Toyota Owns Halftime?

Toyota Owns Halftime?
I was watching the NBA on ESPN when I heard something peculiar. The game went from the end of the second quarter to halftime and I heard the announcer proclaim in a seventy year old fratty smoker’s growl that it was: The Toyota Halftime. Did I miss something? Isn’t it supposed to be The Toyota Halftime ...

Did The Pope Perform A Miracle? 1

Did The Pope Perform A Miracle?
People are divided over whether Pope Francis performed a miracle when he kissed a vial of powdered blood supposedly containing that of St. Gennaro, who died in 305 A.D., and half of it liquified. The blood is kept under lock and key and is brought out three times a year when it mysteriously liquifies although ...

That Stereotype About Lawyers And Politicians Being Despicable Human Beings Is True

That Stereotype About Lawyers And Politicians Being Despicable Human Beings Is True
The following is regarding my run for West Hollywood City Council. Another candidate, Larry Block, recently had a bogus lawsuit filed against him by a lawyer who represents John Duran, a current member of the Council. The person spearheading this lawsuit is John Duran. He doesn’t want Block to win, so he had this creep Neal ...

Above What Rim?

I never understood the scene in the masterfully copacetic Above The Rim where Nutzo falls to his death while attempting to compete in a jumping contest. It begs a few questions: What was that backboard made of? How could it have sustained multiple bank shots and not a dude’s hand? Is Nutzo palming a Maddux ...

Obama Finally Making Waves

Obama Finally Making Waves
Dear Barack Obama: I’m glad you have finally grown some balls seven years into your presidency. Better late than never. This has come in the face of a Republican opposition whose stated strategy is to not allow you to do anything so they can complain about you not doing anything. It’s a massive failure of their ...

NYPD Protest Yields Good Results

NYPD Protest Yields Good Results
The NYPD are protesting the Mayor’s decision not to let them assault peaceful protestors by not doing what they are paid to do, and still getting paid because they don’t understand their jobs. I make a distinction between the phrase “Doing what they are paid to do” and “Doing their jobs” because their jobs don’t pay them ...

An Open Letter To Pat Lynch

An Open Letter To Pat Lynch
This is an open letter to Pat Lynch, the head of the Policemen’s Benevolent Association, which is a pretentious moniker that means the NYPD Union if you aren’t boned up on your Shakespeare or doublespeak. Dear Pat Lynch: Fuck you. I noticed you blamed the people protesting the deaths of people your organization murdered because ...

The New York Post (Fox) Is Making Shit Up

The New York Post was never a respectable news source but once Rupert Murdoch and News Corp with their Fox News titty baring anchor robots selling you Romney and Hardee’s took over it was lights out. The Post is now purely a celebrity trash rag that throws in Right Wing slanted headlines as filler for Page Six’s story about Leto’s Brazilian wax, because it turns out the ...

Why Did Iggy Azalea?

Why do I know who Iggy Azalea is?  It’s because I have to know who Some Chick is. Here’s how this works: When you’re an aspiring musician who can’t sing or play an instrument, the competition is pretty rough. Even if you’re talented, pretty, and musically proficient you aren’t going to get anywhere waiting around. ...

R.I.P. Scott Stapp

R.I.P. Scott Stapp
In life this life, few have given as much as Creed’s Scott Stapp to the cultural zeitgeist. What can I say about the man that hasn’t already been said? Zealot, dork, bad Eddie Vedder impressionist. A barometer by which to gauge our fellow humans. Anything besides befuddled amusement at the entire being of this man could ...