March 2013 - Matt Ralston's Blog

Why NFL Concussions are Awesome

Mar

28

2013

The NFL continues to soar in popularity – and I personally love the hard-nosed gridiron action, and more than anything else, I love NFL concussions. NFL concussions are by far the most exciting single play in all of football. Nothing epitomizes the hard-hitting action of American football more than a guy temporarily losing consciousness and then developing ...

My Most Recent Amazing Entrepreneurial Ideas 1

Mar

28

2013

The following are a list of earth-shattering entrepreneurial ideas that I have come up with in the last day or so. Let this record show that I am the sole creator of these ideas unless otherwise noted. If anyone is interested in financing any of these, please contact me (no Wall-Street types please.) Here we ...

Why there aren’t more Black Quarterbacks in the NFL 213

Mar

26

2013

Just had an argument with a good friend regarding the racial makeup of NFL positions: I find it odd that, given the NFL consists of 69 percent black players, and 30 percent white, that the most important position in all of sports consists of only 21 percent black quarterbacks. Why the discrepancy? I will tell you. American football is ...

Why I’m Glad Oprah’s not Polluting the Airwaves Anymore 4

Mar

25

2013

Remember that real annoying thing that happened a few years back, which everyone isn’t quite asking “what the fuck?” about enough? I’m not talking about about Creed or My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I’m talking about Oprah. The aptly-titled The Oprah Show show was a constant source of annoyance for decent Americans between the years ...

The Worst Quotes Ever

Mar

22

2013

The following are the worst quotes I’ve ever heard. These are all true, and all were said by people I know. Here we go: 1) “Without doors, there are no buildings.” My friend Simon, who sells doors wholesale to commercial developments. He was a little flustered as people were making fun of him, and thus said one ...

All you Need to Know about LA Clubs 1

Mar

21

2013

So, its Saturday night and you’re a douchebag who has no tangible social network – so its time to hit a club – but not just any club, an LA club. LA clubs have a lot to offer. Lines, overpriced drinks, various strains of herpes, and most of all utter disdain for you. In a ...

Why Humans Destroy Everything 11

Mar

21

2013

Why do humans destroy everything they touch? The more I live on this planet, the more I’m surprised at how much humans suck, and I’m starting to think that humans are evil in general. Here are a few examples of how humans destroy societies with their selfish, short-sighted egos. Jesus, humans suck. 1) Humans on a daily basis, ...

Some New NBA Rules Part I

Mar

20

2013

The NBA is so exciting right now – I’m loving everything about it – but it could still be improved – and so, the following are my suggestions for some new NBA rules. These rules are designed to enhance the viewing experience of your average spectator. I’m not concerned with the purity of the game bullshit. So: ...

We Need More Racial Slurs

Mar

18

2013

I was playing Words with Friends recently and, since I didn’t have many letters available, decided to make a play with a very basic word: Jew. To my great surprise, I was informed by the program that Jew was not a valid word. What? First of all, Jew is not a derogatory term. “The Jews ...

The Weirdest Thing That has Ever Happened.

Mar

17

2013

The following is a true account of the weirdest thing that ever happened to me. This isn’t the most notable or exciting thing that has happened to me. Its just the weirdest. I went to visit my friend Cory in eastern Washington and we took a trip to Pullman. Home of Washington State University. And ...