October 2013 - Matt Ralston's Blog

Some Pick-Up Line Suggestions 1

Oct

30

2013

Everyone knows that the best way to meet hot singles is to approach them in bars and ask them creepy rhetorical questions like they do in 80’s movies. If you are too dumb to think of any yourself, here are some suggestions that I wrote: 1) “Hey, you wouldn’t by chance work as a contractor ...

How to Lessen your First-Tier Urban Center Footprint

Oct

26

2013

I’m not going to beat around the bush here – anyone who doesn’t live in L.A. or Manhattan has foundered drastically – sorry Chicago, enjoy your sausages. Since the United States will inevitably be judged solely on the trajectory of these two cities, it is important for the residents to behave in a conscientious manner. ...

Another Candidate for The Worst Person I’ve Ever Met

Oct

21

2013

This is a person I grew up with in my hometown of Fairbanks Alaska where I was born and raised. Some readers may easily find out who I’m talking about, although I have changed the individual’s name for the purposes of him not tracking me down and killing me. Since this person is so enigmatically ...

A Candidate for the Worst Person I’ve Ever Met

Oct

21

2013

A couple days ago I stopped at Fish Grill on Beverly Blvd. This is a kosher taco stand located in a largely Hassidic Jewish neighborhood of Los Angeles – a fact that I would normally barely notice. So, I get in line – in front of me is a guy who looks to be about ...

What Sky Mall says About America 3

Oct

18

2013

Just a few years back, airlines had a variety of reading materials on board for your perusal. The fact that they now see the need to enact a policy of throwing into the garbage whatever Time or Sports Illustrated was left behind by the previous traveler – leaving only for your enjoyment their own attempt ...

The Day American News Networks Admitted it was Over

Oct

16

2013

I sometimes gawk at the idiocy of mainstream media, looking at it like the freak show it is while taking a minute to tell myself that hopefully it won’t lead our country into implosion until after I’m dead. I think the people who run CNN, FOX, and others are all well aware of our impending ...

Some Athlete Nickname Suggestions

Oct

15

2013

My favorite athlete nicknames are the ones that add a little bit of pizazz when they’re first explained to you. Karl Malone was The Mailman because he delivered. John Brockman was labeled The Brockness Monster because he was rarely seen in games. With that in mind, here are some suggestions: Tony Romo – The Timid Pervert – Because he always waits until ...

United Airlines – A Trashy Company for New America

Oct

14

2013

I recently booked a trip on United Airlines, but due to the fact that I had to appear in court for a cell phone ticket I had to postpone my trip for a day. I called United. The standard fee to change a ticket is $200, I was informed. Really? $200? $200 is not a fee. A fee ...

The Electronics Industry is Keeping me Up at Night 2

Oct

5

2013

Do you know what this is? You might think it’s a red dwarf, or a telescopic shot of Venus on one of rare occasions it is visible from earth. No. This is actually just this with the lights turned off. What the hell is going on here? Can someone explain to me why an electric ...