July 2014 - Matt Ralston's Blog

Lyft Is So Hip

Jul

26

2014

You can tell how cool and hip Lyft is because their cars have mustaches and they misspell their name. They totally ‘Get It.’ Taking cabs is for squares. You are super indie if you take Lyft because you want to give your money to a cool, smart, innovative company, not to the establishment which lobbies ...

Sport Or Game? 3

Jul

24

2014

There are several activities which spark interest on a national scale. Some are considered sports, others mere games. I am a fundamentalist when it comes to American sports. Not a fundamentalist like I exclude blacks from competing, I just think America has room for a few legitimate sports, real athletes gravitate towards them, and everything left over is just ...

Worst Lyft Driver Ever 2

Jul

22

2014

I got a Lyft yesterday because I would rather they get harassed by the police. The driver was some crazed lunatic. He wouldn’t stop bothering me. He has a mental condition and should not be driving a car. At least he should have a car made for people with mental conditions like a Smart Car. That being said, he ...

The Ten Most Annoying Things About ESPN 1

Jul

15

2014

ESPN has 24 hours a day to talk about sports and about two hours worth of material. It is always on. More American males can name the third basemen for the Sox than the Attorney General of the United States. I don’t think people are stepping back to see how ridiculous this is. Here are the ...

Don’t Judge Crackheads 3

Jul

11

2014

Crackhead? I was having lunch at a restaurant recently and went outside to make a phone call. As I was standing on the street I saw a woman in a trench coat, bony knees sticking out, weird lipstick, cupping her hands and pressing her face against the tinted glass of a locked car to see ...

The Laziness Behind Kim Kardashian’s Popularity

Jul

8

2014

This chick haunts my dreams. She was sent to earth to lower standards for human kind. I was sitting around and got angry that I have to see Kim Kardashian’s face all the time. Its presence makes no sense if you think about it. She was a B-list porn actress born to a scumbag most currently notable for ...