About Matthew Ralston

Here are my most recent posts

Corporations Are Awful People Then

Corporations Are Awful People Then
The idea that “corporations are people” goes back a long way in this country. In 1886 the Supreme Court ruled that a corporation’s money “was protected by the due process clause of the 14th Amendment.” That was the amendment that abolished slavery. If you’re failing to see the connection that means you’re a reasonable person, ...

Will The Mueller Investigation Be The End For Republicans?

Will The Mueller Investigation Be The End For Republicans?
A few days ago Donald Trump snapped at a reporter who was asking him a routine question about Syria. He started yelling over her as she was talking, repeating himself in an agitated fashion until his face turned even redder. It was not normal adult behavior and appeared almost menopausal, seemingly belying an issue much ...

Trump’s Love of McDonald’s Says It All

Trump's Love of McDonald's Says It All
“He had a longtime fear of being poisoned, one reason why he liked to eat at McDonald’s — nobody knew he was coming and the food was safely pre-made.” – Reporter Michael Wolff on Trump’s rationale for routinely eating McDonald’s There are many avenues to illustrate that Trump is an insecure dumb fuck and pathological ...

How This Placard Cost Me $100,000

How This Placard Cost Me $100,000
 I live in the city of West Hollywood. For the uninitiated it’s a city which features the Sunset Strip (three live music venues frequented solely by kinky grey hairs from Van Nuys), The Abbey and a few other notorious gay bars (actually really fun places to go), and a bunch of people who apparently make ...

You Can Now Give AIDS To Folks In California More Easily

You Can Now Give AIDS To Folks In California More Easily
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. State Bill 239 has been signed into law by California Governor Jerry Brown, which no longer makes it a felony to knowingly expose someone to HIV. That is now a misdemeanor, the same category of crime reserved for DUIs, public intoxication, and disorderly conduct. If you’re someone ...

How To Tell If You’re An Idiot (Donald Trump)

How To Tell If You're An Idiot (Donald Trump)
It has recently come to light, through interviews with people who work or have worked closely with Donald Trump, that they all consider him to be, as Rupert Murdoch put it, “a fucking idiot.” Excerpts of the book Fire and Fury by Michael Wolff have already been published in New York Magazine, and the book ...

Desperate Millennials Now Trolling Trolls

Desperate Millennials Now Trolling Trolls
I have noticed people on social media are now trolling other trolls. The goal is for them to be trolled back and then complain that someone was really mean to them. Perhaps they will take a screenshot of some troll’s rude comment to them, omitting the fact that they initially sought out a reaction, maybe by ...

So What Would It Take For You to Not Support Trump Anymore?

As of this week Gallup lists Donald Trump’s approval rating at 37 percent. That is fascinating, and you have to wonder how that number could fathomably be anywhere above one percent. One percent would make sense, because there’s always That One Guy. You know the guy. Couldn’t pass algebra, drives a forklift or bartends at ...

Sexual Harassment Fantasy Draft

Sexual Harassment Fantasy Draft
Sexual harassment allegations are sweeping the nation. Fantasy football remains incredibly popular. I figured, why not combine the two and form a fantasy league based on predicting who will be accused of sexual harassment next. Not surprisingly, nobody found this to be that good of an idea, so I was only able to get two ...

Top Ten Pickup Lines For 2018

Top Ten Pickup Lines For 2018
If you are a dude and work in an office environment or any position where you have coworkers you are totally hating your life right now because you’re about one eyebrow raise away from being fired for sexual harassment. Your company doesn’t care whether or not your explanation is valid. An accusation from the intern ...