Los Angeles Archives - Matt Ralston's Blog

Your Guide To Vacationing In Los Angeles If You’re An Asshole

Aug

20

2017

There is nothing sadder to me than watching families from the midwest visit the Hollywood Walk of Fame. This is a part of LA that every local strives pretty strongly to avoid. It’s comprised of sticky sidewalks, places that sell crack pipes, and aggressive homeless people missing limbs and convicted rapists dressed as Spiderman. The ...

Good Times at Davey Wayne’s Openly Discriminates

Aug

5

2015

I went to this cluttered hole in the wall stale upholstered hipster bar called Good Times at Davey Wayne’s for my friend’s birthday yesterday, it was a muggy 85 degrees and I was wearing shorts like any normal person male or female. As I went to enter I was told by the douchebag doorman who ...

Why I Hate Guys who Live in Bad Neighborhoods in L.A. 2

May

22

2014

To be clear, I don’t hate all guys who live in sub-ideal parts of Los Angeles. I don’t hate the hard working people of Lincoln Heights, Arlington Heights, or Ladera Heights. I don’t hate the families living in Winnetka, Sun Valley, or Hawaiian Gardens, who have owned homes there for generations. Nor do I hate ...

Why Hipsters are Almost as Smart as they Think

May

2

2014

Everyone who isn’t a hipster hates hipsters. But hipsters love themselves. Hence their self indulgent misused sense of irony when it comes to daily living, walking around with their flea-market props, having the nerve to suggest that this preoccupation with antiquated kitsch is a commitment on their part, as if we aren’t well aware that ...

The L.A. Sheriff’s Department Killed John Winkler and is Lying 2

Apr

11

2014

Very sad news, as John Winkler, a young guy who had recently moved to L.A., was shot by a member of the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department in his building in West Hollywood. At this time it is unclear whether all or just one of the officers involved is lying about what actually happened. By all ...

Please Call and Harass This Person

Nov

3

2013

I never ask anything of my readers, be they friend, fan, or person who hates me and reads all of this stuff for reasons I don’t understand. Whoever you are, it is vital that you call the ARCO Smog Check station on the corner of Franklin and Gower (323-467-8397) and tell the guy who answers ...

How to Lessen your First-Tier Urban Center Footprint

Oct

26

2013

I’m not going to beat around the bush here – anyone who doesn’t live in L.A. or Manhattan has foundered drastically – sorry Chicago, enjoy your sausages. Since the United States will inevitably be judged solely on the trajectory of these two cities, it is important for the residents to behave in a conscientious manner. ...

Networking 101

Sep

3

2013

Yesterday I was talking to a woman I know and she began listing the things she’d accomplished that day – went to the gym, had a healthy salad, got an oil change, and, wait for it… Did an hour of networking! Networking? What did she mean by this, I asked. Apparently this accomplishment of involved ...

My Guide to Punching People

Jul

6

2013

Growing up in Alaska, the threat of physical violence casually loomed over many of my experiences. There was a lot of hostility, a lot of bored guys with nothing to lose. Townies. G.I.’s, etc. I’ve seen countless fist-fights up close and in person, and there’s nothing really that cool about it. That’s one of the ...

When to Rob Someone at the ATM 3

Jun

20

2013

Today I walked to the ATM at the Bank of America on Sunset. As I was walking through the long parking lot, a guy got out of his car and started walking up to the machine, so we both approached it, with him being about two steps ahead of me as we closed in on ...