Why CNN is a Joke Part II 1

As explained in Part I, CNN is a fucking joke that should only be watched if you want to giggle at something ridiculous and run out of Nazi porn. So, where I left off – Wolf Blitzer is in the film Skyfall playing himself as “CNN News Anchor.” Why is this troubling? Well, Blitzer is supposed to ...

Why CNN is a Joke Part I

CNN is an embarrassment to humanity. Why you would possibly think that CNN, owned by Time Warner Inc., the world’s largest media conglomerate, would possibly have any incentive to provide anything but pro-corporate drivel is beyond me. I can’t watch CNN because I respect myself, but I’ve obviously been exposed to it from time to time, and ...

Gun Arguments and Why they’re Stupid

Americans have been dying from guns by the droves for a long time. This fact didn’t really resonate with White America, however, until white people started being killed by the masses in public places. I call this the Cedric Ceballos Effect. Ceballos was a pretty good player who would occasionally erupt for fifty-point games. He’s still ...

Why I’m Glad Oprah’s not Polluting the Airwaves Anymore 4

Remember that real annoying thing that happened a few years back, which everyone isn’t quite asking “what the fuck?” about enough? I’m not talking about about Creed or My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I’m talking about Oprah. The aptly-titled The Oprah Show show was a constant source of annoyance for decent Americans between the years ...

Why Humans Destroy Everything 11

Why do humans destroy everything they touch? The more I live on this planet, the more I’m surprised at how much humans suck, and I’m starting to think that humans are evil in general. Here are a few examples of how humans destroy societies with their selfish, short-sighted egos. Jesus, humans suck. 1) Humans on a daily basis, ...

We Need More Racial Slurs

I was playing Words with Friends recently and, since I didn’t have many letters available, decided to make a play with a very basic word: Jew. To my great surprise, I was informed by the program that Jew was not a valid word. What? First of all, Jew is not a derogatory term. “The Jews ...

The Most Underrated Events Ever 1

Given a lot of over hyped coverage about something as trivial as a new pope, I thought it would be fun to do a report on the most underrated events ever. As Americans, we’re constantly exposed to a television news presence which reports on idiotic nonsense like Miley Cyrus and ignores relevant information such as ...

The Washington Redskins

Ugh, just had to relive the age old racism argument involving sports mascots, namely the Washington Redskins. Here’s how the whole thing goes if you’re hearing it for only the thousandth time: the Redskins mascot is an actual Native American guy, and it should possibly be changed because its offensive. While this is true, I ...

Dumb Americans Hate Chavez 1

We all know that the multi-billionaires who fund the Republican party have orchestrated their retarded followers to hate a lot of things of which they have no idea why – gays, science, bus boys – but until his recent death I had no idea how many DUMB AMERICANS HATE CHAVEZ. You don’t have to go ...

Why Mitt Romney Should be the New Pope 7

The Catholic Church has found itself facing a major scandal. Pope Benedict XVI, whose name in the real-life adult world is Joseph Ratzinger, had a bunch of documents stolen from him last May by his butler. The papers, known as the Vatileaks files, allege that there is a huge group of gay priests in the ...