First of all, I am not the type to write negative reviews. Anyone who has seen my Yelp account knows that I enjoy dining out, and that I respect the hard working people of restaurant industry, however, I would rather starve to death than revisit the following despicable excuses for eateries. Literally. I would rather die a painful death of dysentery than set foot for the twelfth time in any of these places. And I am not picky.
Buffalo Wild Wings in Watts – One star. I visited this place with fourteen of my closest friends on New Year’s Eve at 11:45 p.m. and was told by the hostess that we couldn’t be seated at the bar and would have to wait for up to 15 minutes for a table! I calmly told the waitress that if we waited over fifteen minutes that I was going to “Kill all of your children” and this seemed to get her attention, as we were seated in only twelve minutes, which wasn’t a long enough wait because it distracted me from the keying of cars I was doing in the parking lot.
When we sat down I explained to the skank-ass waitress that it was my birthday, and she looked all confused and didn’t give me a present.
Finally we ordered drinks. I opted for a Bud Light which wasn’t very flavorful. It tasted like Budweiser, but lighter. I sent it back and ordered a bucket of Bacardi 151 neat, which was way too strong. I promptly called the manager over and asked him why his drinks were so fucked up and if I could have some free coupons for my trouble. This prick hemmed and hawed until I spit in his face and demanded some edamame. To our horror, he informed us that they didn’t have edamame. What? In a fucking chicken wing restaurant? Whatever. Talk about Holly-Weird.
The food came, and I don’t remember eating it because I was black-out drunk from chugging all the leftover beers from the bus-boy’s station.
Definitely not going back.
Del Taco on Baltic Ave. – I would give this negative stars if I could. If that was an option on Yelp, I would give it minus infinity stars. I would give it a star that I’d pissed on if I could.
First of all, the atmosphere was severely lacking, which I noticed as I peered through my car window at the drive-thru. The food was decently priced and amazing, but, when I returned the next day to ask for a refill of Mountain Dew into my water cup I was told that this wasn’t an option. Pricks.
The real problem I have is this: I put one of the extra shrimp-quesadillas in the fridge for two weeks, and took it out and ate it while I was coming down from heroin. I don’t know if it was the heroin or the shrimp, but I immediately started shaking and vomiting. I didn’t know who to call first – the landlord to tell him that my fridge hadn’t been working for several months, or Del Taco so I could threaten to spray their corporate headquarters with anthrax.
Luckily I was able to throw rocks at one of the employees while they stood at the bus-stop several days later on my way home from church.
Stay tuned for more reviews in Part II.
Fucking hilarious.