matt ralston

Why The Subway Sandwich Company Thinks Their Customers Are Stupid (And Are Probably Correct.) 1

I’m not counting airports and truck stops, but if you live in an urban area and frequent Subway, you might be retarded.

There is a family owned restaurant within a square mile that will give you a sandwich three times as good for one (1) additional dollar.

That additional dollar comes into play despite the fact that family owned businesses spend very little on advertising, where as Subway outlets spend a total of about 550 million dollars per year, which, divided by their 34,000 locations, equals about $16,000 dollars annually per restaurant, which clearly has to be taken out of the price of the ingredients.

Should you even really want a 12-inch sandwich that costs $5? Say you asked a Siberian guy unfamiliar with traditional currency how much a 12-inch sandwich should cost:

So, they have to bake the bread, mull a bunch of cheese, grow tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, olives, spinach, onions, and all kinds of other things, and harvest them and transport them right? They have to get egg yolks and make mayonnaise, and kill chickens, cows, pigs, and giant tuna fish, and assemble this all onto bread. How much do you think a sandwich costs?

How much is a gallon of gasoline? 

$4.00

Okay, the sandwich should be worth $40-50. 

What are they even made out of?

You can tell that Subway thinks their customers are idiots due to their constant advertising of new and ultimately disgusting gimmicky sandwich ideas which they spew as if their C.E.O. is a stoned poor person at 2 a.m.

Recently they have marketed a Sriracha hot sauce sandwich, a chicken enchilada sandwich with Frito chips on it, and, of course, flatizzas, which got that name from a room full of idiot douchebags in suits.

They also claim to be a healthy alternative to burger places, and as evidence of this have hired as their spokesman a guy who used to be a really really fat guy and was magically transformed, through hoagies, into a less fat guy who is still fat and really out of shape.

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The most obnoxious thing that this company does, however, is have the nerve to put up mass produced signage intended to look authentic and non-mass produced which claims,

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No shit, really?

Given that you are the largest restaurant chain in the world I would really only assume that you bake your own bread.

Where else would you even get it really? The bakery around the corner?

Hi there Vinny, just picking up 400,000 loaves of weirdly shaped wheat bread, 100,000  loaves of honey oat, just load it into the station wagon…

What are they talking about? Is it supposed to be some sort of triumph that you, as a giant corporation, indeed manufacture what you sell? Is Goodyear going to start bragging about making their own tires? Jesus Christ.

I really need to stop going there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One comment on “Why The Subway Sandwich Company Thinks Their Customers Are Stupid (And Are Probably Correct.)

  1. Reply Riley Apr 2,2014 9:14 am

    OMG. That is hilarious. I have been thinking the same thing and THERE YOU GO BOOM you put it into words. I hate the freakin place. So right, so right.

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