Firemen are Annoying 2

What’s the first thing you think of when you imagine Los Angeles? The Walk of Fame? Parties? Film studios? For me, the first thing I now think about are sirens. Jesus there are a lot of sirens in L.A. You can’t walk down the street without an ambulance or a fire truck barreling through the middle of an intersection. It is terribly annoying.

It also for some reason always happens when I’m talking on the phone, often to my mother, who is already neurotic enough without having to imagine that her son is apparently routinely living through some kind of nuclear winter.

“What’s going on? What is happening there?” She asks.

“How would I know? What am I the watch commander for the precinct?”

Anyway, its super annoying and I’m not sure why we are still referring to these guys as Fire Fighters because I think that they rarely put out any fires. Given L.A.’s strict building codes, I think there is like one fire a year in town, so instead of the term Fire Fighter I would like propose that maybe just start calling them “Guys who drive around in big trucks.” It doesn’t have the same ring to it, but we’ll get used to it.

So, why do we have so many firemen? I guess the easy answer is that they’re trained as paramedics, so any time someone has a health issue they have to respond in their giant ridiculous vehicles.

Now, follow me on this, why couldn’t one of them just ride in the ambulance and leave their truck behind?

My theory: It is no secret that our police force is raping all of us through their non-discretionary ticket writing. The police occupation of Los Angeles is pretty much in full force, and a lot of people are starting to get kind of pissed about it.

How can the city offset this?

By making it look like they’re actually doing something good.

Keeping this fire truck parade policy in place allows the unaware citizen to picture the government as being helpful, on top of things.

That’s why the trucks are so fucking loud. They really need to get your attention.

I’d like to point out that, although I’m sure a lot of fire fighters are hard working, their job is totally antiquated and they aren’t needed anymore.

Its all a show.


Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

2 thoughts on “Firemen are Annoying

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