To be clear, I don’t hate all guys who live in sub-ideal parts of Los Angeles. I don’t hate the hard working people of Lincoln Heights, Arlington Heights, or Ladera Heights. I don’t hate the families living in Winnetka, Sun Valley, or Hawaiian Gardens, who have owned homes there for generations.
Nor do I hate the upwardly mobile residents of Koreatown, Westchester, or Gardena.
I am not suggesting that anyone not living in an exclusive neighborhood deserves to be hated based on their location, nor that many of these neighborhoods don’t offer cultural attractions, square-footage, or authenticity not found in the more real-estate inflated parts of L.A.
I only hate this one guy, this is a guy that everyone knows, and everyone has heard his speech – this is the Hipster Guy Who Lives in a Shitty Neighborhood and Can’t Stop Talking About Why Its The Best Neighborhood In Town.
Rather than just admit that he can’t afford to live where he first started looking for apartments when he first went to Hollywood to open a record store, this insecure douchebag has to constantly convince himself, and others, that he loves Koreatown.
“It’s so central”, he says with desperation.
Really? Do you know who isn’t bragging about their neighborhood being central? People in Malibu. The residents of Malibu apparently didn’t put central on their list of amenities when they decided to live on a pristine cliffside beach, far removed from the gummy sidewalks and bus-exaust backdraft of Koreatown.
What does central really mean? That it is close to everything? That’s exactly the problem. It’s close to neighborhoods with high murder rates. Malibu is close to the ocean.
“But, it’s really close to bus lines.” Right, I mean, why would you live in Malibu and drive a car to Staples Center when you could sit on a bus full hair tangles for nearly the same amount of time?
You know what’s coming next,
“I love taking the bus. I get so much more done.” Dude, just stop. You got a DUI, you can’t afford a car yet, whatever. Frankly I don’t believe that you get anything done on the bus because you have to watch your back, and reading in moving vehicles makes most people nauseous. Furthermore, driving a car doesn’t exclude one from didacticism, as motorists are currently free to visit a bookstore or library and select any number of language tutorials or audio books which they can listen to without getting their ear bitten off by a meth fiend.
“There’s this AMAZING taco truck around the corner.” Wow, I bet the people in Brentwood are super jealous that you can get tacos that you have to eat while standing up! I bet they’ve never even heard of tacos in Manhattan Beach!
The thing that I hate about this guy is that he would trade places with the guy in Malibu immediately. And, if someone offered him a car, he’d gladly take it. He just can’t admit he hasn’t won yet. Which is probably why he won’t.
I know that guy and I hate him. I live in a crap hood and it’s just that … crap. Crap becomes personality though and I’ve learned to love it. Keep writing, man. Interesting perspective.
Did I say love it? It’s not like I wouldn’t switch with the Malibu dude or the Brentwood dude. You name it, I’d prob switch, but you got to make the most.