I never understood the scene in the masterfully copacetic Above The Rim where Nutzo falls to his death while attempting to compete in a jumping contest.
It begs a few questions:
What was that backboard made of?
How could it have sustained multiple bank shots and not a dude’s hand?
Is Nutzo palming a Maddux era baseball stuffed with lead paint?
Who designed this court?
The city council should fire the planning commission immediately.
Here we are bitching about liquor licenses and you allow a basketball court to be built on top of the General Hospital building which is surrounded by the type of glass people brake in Detroit for fun when they’re on crack?
How has a ball never sailed through this glass?
What kind of glass is this?
Why did Nutzo skydive into a suicide prevention pad after he brazenly barged through the stained glass?
This is the type of shit that leads you to play ball without a ball.
For those unaware:
Above The Rim was a blaxploitation film made in the early 90’s. It featured the black guy who scared Republican dads in that one Madonna video being a silent dick which he’s good at.
His character’s name was Shep and his actual name is Leon, or as he is commonly known Leon Wortzkowski.
Kyle Watson was played by a rising young actor named Kyle Watson.
They pulled Oprah’s clips out of The Color Purple and her body double plays Kyle’s mom.
She does some monologues while smoking one of those cigarettes McConaughey used in True Detective where you just keep inhaling all the smoke into your body and nothing is exhaled like a Prius.
At a certain point Kyle and his obnoxious prop-ridden friend played by Marlon Waynes start bothering a bum for no reason and it’s unclear why the bum doesn’t beat the shit out of both of them.
Turns out this bum (Bernie Mac) is Shep’s buddy from back in the day and they used to smoke crack together and play basketball without a ball like how crackheads do.
Then Tupac comes into the movie and his pants are sagging so far on his miniature legs that he’s barely able to walk.
He’s the bad guy in the movie and his name is Birdy.
I am pretty sure the Birdy character is based on Suge Knight, who is much taller and doesn’t have as much of a bird looking face as Tupac. They are just different type of birds.
Jailbirds.
Boom!
Anyway:
There is one white guy in the movie and he is wearing swim trunks and is doughy.
A bunch of people get shot and Shep bangs Kyle’s mom.
Kyle goes on to star at Georgetown and then eventually contemplates suicide like Stephon Marbury and many other high school greats.
He ends up playing in Serbia with Shep and dying in a shoddy Soviet era 757 which crashes into a Monsanto field in flames.
This all could have been avoided had some idiot not put a basketball hoop right in front of a five story drop without even an out of bounds zone.
Even if the dipshit director had picked up on this many lives could have been saved.
I’m pulling on my rainbow colored swim trunks and my Jordans.
Does anyone know of a rooftop court and do you want to meet up around midnight?