Suicide Squad Seems Lazy 2

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I haven’t seen this Suicide Squad movie but it looks pretty terrible. The El Diablo character seems familiar. I remember reading an article about this meth addict with an eyeball tattoo who shot a cop in Anchorage Alaska a while back. Apparently the people in charge of production also browse salacious stories on the Daily Mail’s website.

On a separate note, big ups to this guy for shattering every stereotype you thought you knew about Alaska. Whoever made the decision to jack this guy’s likeness is probably getting paid six figures.

I really don’t want to encourage scummy criminals like this, but if you know this guy with the eyeball tattoo, whose given name is Jason Barnum, tell him to sue the shit out of Warner Brothers.

You can’t just appropriate someone’s likeness without acknowledging it, even if the person is behind bars for good reason. He’s probably a total pussy too on a separate note although I would definitely not fight him for fear of getting his blood on me.

The geniuses involved also cast Instagram ‘personality’ and fake lesbian Cara Delevingne as one of the members of the squad. How lazy are these people? You’re supposed to be looking for the best actress, not the chick with the most social media followers.

Art is suffering in the name of convenience. I can’t wait until it’s cool to be off Twitter. Why even hire people to cast roles at this point? If it’s all a numbers game surely there’s an algorithm for this and your jobs are now obsolete. Any common small child has the ability to point at someone’s plate and say “I’ll have what he’s having.”

You earn a salary because you’re supposedly involved in a creative endeavor, not assembling a model airplane with Will Smith and Jared Leto.

Jason Barnum’s greatest accomplishment in life is most certainly being the basis of a character in a major studio film. Like most people who are super into body modification he appears to be an uninteresting dolt masquerading behind the tattoos in order to convince you he’s interesting.

He is so dumb in fact that Anchorage’s Chief of Police asked a jury to consider his appearance when giving him a harsher sentence, which is probably grounds for a new trial, and he took it as a compliment:

“I’m humbled by what the chief said. I was out there pretty much running crazy. Everybody knows that I’m not the nicest guy. I understand that what I did was wrong. I can’t take none of it back.”

Calm down Tom Joad. Who’s a worse person, Jason Barnum or the people who cast Suicide Squad?

Nobody really knows, but it’s a close race. It appears everything is bastardized now and nothing is real.

That goes for this dummy’s tattoos and especially the state of the entertainment industry.

If we elected the President of the United States based on Twitter followers, Katy Perry would be the commander in chief. She, Justin Bieber, and Taylor Swift have more followers than our current President.

If that doesn’t frighten you you’re part of the problem.

Speaking of Bieber, that talentless dwarf has the most Instagram followers of any single person, when should we swear him in?

Let’s stop rewarding lazy and unremarkable people.

Boycott Suicide Squad. It should be easy because it obviously blows.

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Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

2 thoughts on “Suicide Squad Seems Lazy

  1. Reply k Oct 29,2016 12:10 pm

    You obvs never heard of Rick Genest

    • Reply Matt Ralston Oct 29,2016 10:48 pm

      Oh snap. I wonder if the crazy criminal guy ripped off Rick Genest. Very strange way to go through life. Thanks for pointing that out!

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