Matt Ralston's Blog

The NFL’s Ridiculous American Flag Display Devours Itself

Sep

15

2015

I was watching Monday Night Football and prior to the game for reasons unknown a bunch of people trotted out a giant American flag which covered the entire football field, an obnoxious display intended to prove the NFL is more American than any other American thing in America. The reasoning behind public displays of patriotism at ...

YouTube’s Fat Ass Double Standard

Sep

11

2015

YouTube recently booted comedian Nicole Arbour from their site because her video entitled Dear Fat People was deemed as bullying and fat shaming. Although the video was presented in an annoying aspiring actressy manner and was certainly mean spirited, it would be hard to argue with most of Arbour’s points – namely that severely overweight ...

John Boehner Is A Denali Sized Loser

Sep

3

2015

President Obama recently visited Alaska and to let everyone know he was arriving, he changed the name of its most notable landmark, formerly Mt. McKinley, to its traditional Athabascan name of Denali. The State of Alaska had been on board with this since 1975, yet many right wing politicians remained opposed to renaming a mountain they’d never ...

Amber Rose And Blac Chyna Are Fucking America 1

Aug

31

2015

Amber Rose and Blac Chyna went to MTV’s Video Music Awards and walked the red carpet, which is odd because neither of them are musicians or even have a job. I guess the closest thing you could label them as would be Model, which again is weird because neither are particularly attractive. Also, MTV doesn’t ...

My Run In With Suge Knight

Aug

29

2015

Just keep your head down, I kept telling myself… The meta irony that Suge Knight is awaiting trial for the murder of a guy who he killed on the set of Straight Outta Compton, a movie in which he is a central character and of which the script features him threatening to murder several people, is ...

Gay Couple’s Surrogate Baby Kidnapping Is A Head Scratcher

Aug

28

2015

Manuel Santos and Gordon “Bud” Lake are a gay couple from the United States who paid a surrogate service in Thailand $15,000 to have a donor egg and Santos’ sperm implanted into an impoverished Thai woman, and now she won’t give the baby to them. Even though she signed a contract. Santos and Lake have another baby they had ...

LAPD Targets Straight Outta Compton, Proves They Are Racist

Aug

21

2015

The LAPD, as well as the Los Angeles County Sheriffs Department, have upped their presence around movie theaters in black neighborhoods as a result of the release of Straight Outta Compton, although they remain conspicuously absent in Russian neighborhoods where the new James Bond is showing. The LAPD is too cynically mired in overt racist profiling tactics ...

Are Trophy Hunters Really Into Conservation?

Aug

14

2015

After bloodthirsty Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer killed real life Disney character Cecil the Lion, more conversations began to pop up about why Cecil had been chosen as his latest, most high profile victim. In most every country in Africa, including Zimbabwe where Cecil was offed, there are laws regarding sport hunting not much different than here in ...

Good Times at Davey Wayne’s Openly Discriminates

Aug

5

2015

I went to this cluttered hole in the wall stale upholstered hipster bar called Good Times at Davey Wayne’s for my friend’s birthday yesterday, it was a muggy 85 degrees and I was wearing shorts like any normal person male or female. As I went to enter I was told by the douchebag doorman who ...

Let’s Arm Our Cities Against Ourselves

Jul

28

2015

San Francisco is debuting a new UV coated paint that repels liquid in an attempt to get people to stop pissing on walls in the city. Apparently if you piss on a wall coated with this German engineered paint your piss will bounce off at a high rate of speed and you’ll get drenched in your ...