Matt Ralston's Blog

Is Ann Coulter Denying Being A Dude? 7

Jul

20

2015

Professional troll, race baiter, historical revisionist and winking bigot Ann Coulter recently came out and said he would “Sue every website or commentator that suggests I’m transgender.” This came as a shock to me. Of course Ann Coulter isn’t transgender. He’s a dude. The term transgender suggests Coulter ever had a vagina. Are you calling us morons here? ...

Is Caitlyn Jenner Setting A Healthy Standard?

Jul

16

2015

I couldn’t help but notice something was leaking out of Caitlyn Jenner’s nose during her ESPY speech, which was able to successfully cast Jenner as an activist for the trans community, when in fact this cookie cutter speech, a cheap promotional stunt on the part of ESPN to harness the Kardashian name and attain ratings for their ...

Donald Trump Leading In Asshole Demographic

Jul

9

2015

Donald Trump is gaining momentum among likely Republican primary voters and is currently leading the polls in North Carolina. Trump is doing well with people who identify as ‘very conservative’ (66%), as well as younger voters (29%) and men (20%). He is also killing it in the ‘asshole’ demo (100%), as well as the publicly racist contingency ...

Ariana Grande Just Piledrived America

Jul

8

2015

Ariana Grande is a ratchety midget who is signed to a major music label in their quest to appeal to pedophiles, that’s why she wears the cat ears. She’s also twelve and probably thinks they’re cool. She’s an idiot. Grande recently went to a donut shop with her genderqueer boyband reject do-rag wearing backup dancer boyfriend ...

What The Confederate Flag Really Means Now

Jul

2

2015

There are two sides to the debate over what the Confederate flag symbolizes. Republican types say it stands for pickup trucks, drinking beer in the sun, and boiled peanuts. This is clearly not the case and the early adopters of the Confederacy would have been appalled by your homoerotic tight jeaned country singers. The other side says ...

The Rose McGowans Are Bad For Feminism

Jun

25

2015

It’s sometimes difficult to distinguish legitimate feminists from self congratulatory idiots who parrot study session talk from their 1o1 Women’s Studies classes. Are you genuinely concerned about injustice or are you simply underemployed and generally frustrated? While there are still legitimate concerns in the realm of feminism, the discourse is increasingly dominated by blathering fools who ...

An Open Letter To Bros About Watching Sports

Jun

19

2015

My Fellow Bros, It’s time to stop taking sports so seriously. Sports are supposed to be a diversion. Entertainment. Supplementary. They shouldn’t occupy the majority of your knowledge, passion, and interest in life. A true bro should be well versed in the fields of cinema, literature, science, politics, fitness, and leisure activities such as sporting events and gaming. ...

Jenner/Dolezal Comparisons Pass The Smell Test

Jun

15

2015

After Rachel Dolezal resigned as chairperson of Spokane’s NAACP chapter, a job roughly equivalent to that of the head of the Harlem’s division of the North American Country Line Dancing Association, it spurned many conversations about race and gender identity. The consensus I got was that gender and race are both a “Construct” meaning they’re just labels placed on ...

Are Republicans Taking Advantage of Insane Liberals?

Jun

14

2015

I hate to admit it, but sometimes conservatives are right. I don’t confound the term conservative with Republican, because actual conservatives don’t lobby against gay marriage or condone the NSA’s spying or prop up banks that are too big to fail because they are too busy skinning a deer to care about the stupid PC terminology they taught you in ...

The Duggars Are Awful People, But Point The Finger At TLC

Jun

11

2015

19 Kids and Counting will become the second of TLC’s shows to be cancelled because the southern minstrel spectacle it exploited turned out to be a pathetic cycle of ignorance. There’s a seedy underbelly to the backwoods fools you’re chuckling at. Amid revelations that the Duggar family knew and concealed the fact that their anti-gay crusading son ...