Matt Ralston's Blog

Dr. Drew’s Hypocrisy Dangerously Douchey

Jun

6

2015

Dr. Drew’s resting pious face and the way he portrays what appears to be soul crushing empathy while listening to Natalie Holloway gossip has been growing tired for some time now. You get the feeling he routinely breaks down in tears on his drive home about the fate of Amanda Bynes. I’m not sure how much of this is feigned ...

Caitlyn Jenner Proves Your Soul Has A Price

Jun

5

2015

The reaction surrounding Bruce Jenner’s public becoming of Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair was met with the cries associated with the hailing of a new Saint. The conventional narrative was that Jenner had ‘found her authentic self’ as the superbly well adjusted Demi Moore stated, as a typical example: Thank you @Caitlyn_Jenner for sharing the gift ...

Under 40 Is The New Black

May

21

2015

When I read the NYPD’s Narcotics Division is under order to stop arresting suspects over age 40 I thought it was something out The Onion. Turns out this is real. The New York Post has uncovered some internal documents instructing division commanders to do just that. Officers who arrest suspects over age 40 for drug ...

Let’s Start Check Shaming

May

19

2015

I can’t tell you how many times this has happened. I’m supposed to get a check in the mail for some work I did. It was supposed to arrive within two weeks and now it has been 17 days, meaning there is no possible way it was mailed on time. For the last week or so I’ve kept ...

So Many Guys Can Kick Floyd Mayweather’s Ass

May

13

2015

Like many of you I was irritated with everything leading up to the Floyd Mayweather fight, particularly its utterly predictable conclusion. The Nevada State Athletic Commission has chosen to overlook the fact that Mayweather is a serial woman beater at the behest of state lawmakers who want revenue from the fight. Pacquiao seemed psyched to ...

Dad Bods Are All The Rage

May

6

2015

Legitimate news sources are glossing over drone strikes in Syria in favor of coverage about summer’s trendiest topic: Dad Bods. If you haven’t heard this term, congratulations. Dad Bods are slightly schlubby and go well with a mustard stain on your shirt. Leonardo DiCaprio is considered the main ambassador on the topic because he is going ...

Give The Bloods And Crips A Chance

Apr

28

2015

In the aftermath of the riots in Baltimore as a result of the apparent murder of Freddie Gray I saw a ridiculous news report where members of the Bloods and Crips were interviewed and wanted to make the point that they are upstanding dudes who are totally misunderstood and not the silly violent criminals we ...

Billy Joel’s Annoying East Coast Bias 3

Apr

24

2015

We Didn’t Start The Fire is a fairly annoying song written by Billy Joel which I nonetheless listen to twice a week while running a nice bath because there’s something catchy about it. Same reason you keep having lunch with that hipster chick from work with the decent eyes. The song was written by Joel when he ...

Looking Back On Rick James’ Appearance On Judge Joe Brown 1

Apr

20

2015

I couldn’t tell if it was a dream or a fleeting repressed memory. For years I’ve talked about it and been met with blank stares. Maybe you should see someone, they’d say. It could really help. If I was losing my mind I refused to admit it. When it got really bad I’d stand on the street ...

Will Stack Is A Reasonable Shill 3

Apr

12

2015

This video was posted by Will Stack, a guy who was pulled over by the police in Lexington South Carolina and took the opportunity to reference the fact that police in the United States of America have been murdering innocent people on a regular basis in the last few months, on video. According to Stack, this ...