Matt Ralston's Blog

The New York Post (Fox) Is Making Shit Up

Dec

26

2014

The New York Post was never a respectable news source but once Rupert Murdoch and News Corp with their Fox News titty baring anchor robots selling you Romney and Hardee’s took over it was lights out. The Post is now purely a celebrity trash rag that throws in Right Wing slanted headlines as filler for Page Six’s story about Leto’s Brazilian wax, because it turns out the ...

Why Did Iggy Azalea?

Dec

23

2014

Why do I know who Iggy Azalea is? It’s because I have to know who Some Chick is. Here’s how this works: When you’re an aspiring musician who can’t sing or play an instrument, the competition is pretty rough. Even if you’re talented, pretty, and musically proficient you aren’t going to get anywhere waiting around. ...

R.I.P. Scott Stapp

Dec

12

2014

In life this life, few have given as much as Creed’s Scott Stapp to the cultural zeitgeist. What can I say about the man that hasn’t already been said? Zealot, dork, bad Eddie Vedder impressionist. A barometer by which to gauge our fellow humans. Anything besides befuddled amusement at the entire being of this man could ...

Steve Hofstetter Proves Comedy Doesn’t Pay

Dec

5

2014

If you haven’t seen the show Laughs on Fox you’re doing something right with your life. It features short clips of stand-up comedy, and an innovative segment showing screen grabs of tweets a staffer spelunked for. The show was created by Steve Hofstetter who is a comedian and internet based marketer who writes filler articles about Online Dating and tags other people’s Youtube ...

Why Police Brutality Affects All Of Us

Nov

26

2014

My name is Matt Ralston. I was born and raised in the enclave of Fairbanks Alaska. I am a white guy. I have never struggled. My parents paid for my college education, and in times of need have even sent me checks. After college I moved to Los Angeles where I live now. These are ...

Why Aren’t The Networks Airing Obama’s Immigration Speech?

Nov

20

2014

I found it strange none of the major TV networks are airing Obama’s speech announcing landmark immigration reform. A quick recap of what they will be showing in that time slot instead: ABC: Grey’s Anatomy followed by Scandal. This should be a great ep of Grey’s! I heard McDreamy is going to perform surgery on ...

An Open Letter To Jack Seiler 7

Nov

11

2014

Jack Seiler is the scumbag Democratic mayor of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He supports the multiple citations of $500 dollars and notice to appear in court of 90 year old Arnold Abbott, who has been organizing feedings of the city’s homeless population for over twenty years. Seiler has made feeding the homeless illegal in Fort Lauderdale ...

Why Aren’t Comedians Funny Anymore? 3

Nov

7

2014

Since when did comedians start taking themselves so seriously? The word ‘comedy’ is built into the profession. If you wanted to spend your time parsing words and getting self satisfyingly angry maybe you should have become a preacher or district attorney’s assistant or something. I think there is a dangerous precedent being set in America ...

Why I Can Dress As Ray Rice For Halloween

Oct

28

2014

Ray Rice recently said he is “Praying for the people” who are dressing as Ray Rice for Halloween. I’m sure they are eternally grateful. Let me make a bold assumption: The people dressing as Ray Rice for Halloween aren’t woman beaters. It would kind of draw too much attention to yourself. The people who beat ...

Is Honey Boo Boo Still Funny? 1

Oct

25

2014

I never had an ethical problem sitting down to watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo so I could gawk at some disgusting obese tragedies of the Civil War spit out inane jokes fed to them by deservedly patronizing on-set producers. The irony is said producers probably think they’re really sophisticated and smart comparatively. Based on ...