Why Phil Jackson is Annoying

Phil Jackson is annoying for a variety of reasons, but above all, it is probably his squinty smugness that really rubs me the wrong way. Why does Phil Jackson think he is so awesome? Because he has won eleven NBA Championships. Which, if you’re going to choose to act bemused at humanity, is probably a ...

Escaping Emanent Death Part I

I remember the first time I drove from Seattle to Los Angeles. Heading South on the 5, my plan was to then pick up Hwy. 101, which I knew I could hit right around the California and Oregon boarder. So, once I got to the boarder I decided to look at a map, because back ...

Rednecks and Death Threats 5

From my experience, rednecks are the only group of people that will insult you if you haven’t really asked for it. I think this is because they’re bullies who have always had the upper hand when dealing with other groups of people. And they embrace being stupid which leads them to really believe that they’re ...

Firemen are Annoying 2

What’s the first thing you think of when you imagine Los Angeles? The Walk of Fame? Parties? Film studios? For me, the first thing I now think about are sirens. Jesus there are a lot of sirens in L.A. You can’t walk down the street without an ambulance or a fire truck barreling through the ...

Matt’s Hot Sauce Review

I don’t know about you, but for me nothing enhances the flavor of a delicious dish more than a spicy hot sauce. Whether its pizza, pasta, Mexican or authentic sushi, a little Frank’s Red Hot or Louisiana Pepper Sauce really does the trick. But there are a lot of options. Below I break down the ...

My Worst Call Ever Part I 1

A year after moving away from my hometown to attend college I found myself in Seattle for the summer and in need of a job. At this period in my life I was under the impression that matching means your outfit is all the same color. So I would go out looking for a job in ...

I’m Not Watching Citizen Kane Again. 4

Citizen Kane is often referred to as being the “Greatest Movie of All Time.” Shakespeare is often referred to as the “Greatest Writer of All Time.” As someone who has seen Citizen Kane and read a lot of Shakespeare, I have one thing to say to this: No. Usually, the rationale given for these works ...

Pizza: What Losers Talk About.

An guy from New York just talked to me about pasta for three and a half minutes as though I give a fuck. This was a long three and a half minutes – a Coldplay song worth of conversation. Circumstances: I’m at a wedding in Los Angeles – not Sicily – randomly talking with some dude over ...

Conspiracy Theories Explained Part I 6

It’s always a bit uncomfortable when I’m having a conversation with someone and they drop the: “Sandy Hook/9-11 (insert conspiracy here) was a hoax” thing on you. It isn’t uncomfortable for me discussing the possibility of any newsworthy event actually being a conspiracy, because the U.S. government has routinely engaged in False Flag events and misinformation campaigns. It is uncomfortable ...

How to Enhance Your Life Through Inefficient Living

A lot of people are searching for meaning and validity in their lives. Maybe you’re like me, someone who has literally owned crowds of several thousand people with their perfected stage act, or you’re just a chick who got knocked up and sits around all fat watching Dr. Phil – regardless of the circumstances, do ...