Girlfriend Material

How often are you involved with a girl, maybe you’ve just met, and you can’t help but wonder if you should make it official, meaning – is she girlfriend material? In order to answer this question the most important preliminary screening tool you can use is my Cool Hot Smart test. There are plenty of cool ...

The Most Underrated Events Ever 1

Given a lot of over hyped coverage about something as trivial as a new pope, I thought it would be fun to do a report on the most underrated events ever. As Americans, we’re constantly exposed to a television news presence which reports on idiotic nonsense like Miley Cyrus and ignores relevant information such as ...

The Washington Redskins

Ugh, just had to relive the age old racism argument involving sports mascots, namely the Washington Redskins. Here’s how the whole thing goes if you’re hearing it for only the thousandth time: the Redskins mascot is an actual Native American guy, and it should possibly be changed because its offensive. While this is true, I ...

Chris Brown Sucks 2

Being a heterosexual male who is able to formulate his own opinions, I’ve known for a long time that Chris Brown sucks. I mean, its obvious that he sucks as a person, but I’m pretty sure he just sucks at everything. A good way to tell if an artists sucks is to actually watch what ...

Dumb Americans Hate Chavez 1

We all know that the multi-billionaires who fund the Republican party have orchestrated their retarded followers to hate a lot of things of which they have no idea why – gays, science, bus boys – but until his recent death I had no idea how many DUMB AMERICANS HATE CHAVEZ. You don’t have to go ...

Why Mitt Romney Should be the New Pope 7

The Catholic Church has found itself facing a major scandal. Pope Benedict XVI, whose name in the real-life adult world is Joseph Ratzinger, had a bunch of documents stolen from him last May by his butler. The papers, known as the Vatileaks files, allege that there is a huge group of gay priests in the ...

The Worst Thing You Can Find in a Chick’s Apartment 7

So, you’ve been dating this girl, hanging out – whatever, and finally she invites you over to her house.  This is a rite of passage.  You get to see her natural habitat and make some serious judgements about her worth as a human being.  A quick glance will reveal quite a few things about her. ...

How to get a Rub and Tug 3

How to get a Rub and Tug
Sometimes things happen that really throw you for a loop, such as learning how to get a rub and tug.  A few weeks ago I had a lapse in judgement and did a cannonball into a kiddy pool, landing right on my back.  I was in pain.  I needed a massage.  I’d never had one ...

Why the Lakers Suck

I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that the Lakers suck.  Their struggles have been discussed ad nauseam over talk radio waves, but nobody has accurately pinpointed exactly why the Lakers suck so badly.  Here are the main reasons. 1) Dwight Howard is a prick.  Like many NBA fans, I had always thought that Howard was ...
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