Matt Ralston's Blog

A Candidate for the Worst Person I’ve Ever Met

Oct

21

2013

A couple days ago I stopped at Fish Grill on Beverly Blvd. This is a kosher taco stand located in a largely Hassidic Jewish neighborhood of Los Angeles – a fact that I would normally barely notice. So, I get in line – in front of me is a guy who looks to be about ...

What Sky Mall says About America 3

Oct

18

2013

Just a few years back, airlines had a variety of reading materials on board for your perusal. The fact that they now see the need to enact a policy of throwing into the garbage whatever Time or Sports Illustrated was left behind by the previous traveler – leaving only for your enjoyment their own attempt ...

The Day American News Networks Admitted it was Over

Oct

16

2013

I sometimes gawk at the idiocy of mainstream media, looking at it like the freak show it is while taking a minute to tell myself that hopefully it won’t lead our country into implosion until after I’m dead. I think the people who run CNN, FOX, and others are all well aware of our impending ...

Some Athlete Nickname Suggestions

Oct

15

2013

My favorite athlete nicknames are the ones that add a little bit of pizazz when they’re first explained to you. Karl Malone was The Mailman because he delivered. John Brockman was labeled The Brockness Monster because he was rarely seen in games. With that in mind, here are some suggestions: Tony Romo – The Timid Pervert – Because he always waits until ...

United Airlines – A Trashy Company for New America

Oct

14

2013

I recently booked a trip on United Airlines, but due to the fact that I had to appear in court for a cell phone ticket I had to postpone my trip for a day. I called United. The standard fee to change a ticket is $200, I was informed. Really? $200? $200 is not a fee. A fee ...

The Electronics Industry is Keeping me Up at Night 2

Oct

5

2013

Do you know what this is? You might think it’s a red dwarf, or a telescopic shot of Venus on one of rare occasions it is visible from earth. No. This is actually just this with the lights turned off. What the hell is going on here? Can someone explain to me why an electric ...

Why Having a Black or Gay Friend is Not Irrelevant

Sep

29

2013

Pretty much everyday, some straight guy will say something insensitive or poorly phrased regarding minorities or gay people, the media will pick up on it, the guy will issue an apology from a template he found on Quicken, and the scandal which effected nobody will blow over. Often times, the guy who said the insensitive ...

How Streaming Movies are Allowing Pseudo-Intellectuals to Pretend they’re Cultured

Sep

29

2013

Here’s an annoying thing that’s happened to me a few times recently: I’ll be talking to some guy, some L.A. hipster with glasses and bad genes, and the subject of movies will come up. At this point, this guy will bring up an older, seemingly off-the-radar, movie and tell me that I have to see ...

My Yelp Guide to L.A. Restaurants. 1

Sep

26

2013

First of all, I am not the type to write negative reviews. Anyone who has seen my Yelp account knows that I enjoy dining out, and that I respect the hard working people of restaurant industry, however, I would rather starve to death than revisit the following despicable excuses for eateries. Literally. I would rather ...

Have You Laughed at a Dead Person? Part I

Sep

24

2013

The other day I was sitting at the bar of a decent restaurant having dinner. There was a TV to the right and to the left above the bar. The one to the left was airing some previously recorded UFC fights, so every few minutes I was treated to the site of a guy bashing ...