We Need More Racial Slurs

I was playing Words with Friends recently and, since I didn’t have many letters available, decided to make a play with a very basic word: Jew. To my great surprise, I was informed by the program that Jew was not a valid word. What? First of all, Jew is not a derogatory term. “The Jews ...

The Weirdest Thing That has Ever Happened.

The following is a true account of the weirdest thing that ever happened to me. This isn’t the most notable or exciting thing that has happened to me. Its just the weirdest. I went to visit my friend Cory in eastern Washington and we took a trip to Pullman. Home of Washington State University. And ...

Things Gross Women Say 2

The following is a list of actual things that gross women have said to me over the course of my career of knowing women. I reminisce about these quotes un-fondly on a regular basis, like a guy who lives on a prairie might think about the wolves who ate his first born child. I promise these ...

Why There is No Such Thing as a Progressive Catholic 4

Why There is No Such Thing as a Progressive Catholic
I’ve met a lot of people recently who claim to be a “progressive Catholic.” You know them: they don’t hate gays and don’t support the fact that the higher ups in the Church are really into looking out for the career longevity of pedophiles. If this is you, you aren’t Catholic. First and foremost, the ...

Girlfriend Material

How often are you involved with a girl, maybe you’ve just met, and you can’t help but wonder if you should make it official, meaning – is she girlfriend material? In order to answer this question the most important preliminary screening tool you can use is my Cool Hot Smart test. There are plenty of cool ...

The Most Underrated Events Ever 1

Given a lot of over hyped coverage about something as trivial as a new pope, I thought it would be fun to do a report on the most underrated events ever. As Americans, we’re constantly exposed to a television news presence which reports on idiotic nonsense like Miley Cyrus and ignores relevant information such as ...

The Washington Redskins

Ugh, just had to relive the age old racism argument involving sports mascots, namely the Washington Redskins. Here’s how the whole thing goes if you’re hearing it for only the thousandth time: the Redskins mascot is an actual Native American guy, and it should possibly be changed because its offensive. While this is true, I ...

Chris Brown Sucks 2

Being a heterosexual male who is able to formulate his own opinions, I’ve known for a long time that Chris Brown sucks. I mean, its obvious that he sucks as a person, but I’m pretty sure he just sucks at everything. A good way to tell if an artists sucks is to actually watch what ...

Dumb Americans Hate Chavez 1

We all know that the multi-billionaires who fund the Republican party have orchestrated their retarded followers to hate a lot of things of which they have no idea why – gays, science, bus boys – but until his recent death I had no idea how many DUMB AMERICANS HATE CHAVEZ. You don’t have to go ...

Why Mitt Romney Should be the New Pope 7

The Catholic Church has found itself facing a major scandal. Pope Benedict XVI, whose name in the real-life adult world is Joseph Ratzinger, had a bunch of documents stolen from him last May by his butler. The papers, known as the Vatileaks files, allege that there is a huge group of gay priests in the ...