Why The Alt-Right Are Cowards, And Pussies 4

Why The Alt-Right Are Cowards, And Pussies
Sometimes a photo speaks louder than words. These people, while standing in the White House and in front of a professional photographer, threw up gang signs signifying white supremacy. For a fact. Not much different than if Barack Obama had invited a group of representatives of the South Side Crips over to steal all of ...

Ashley Graham’s Message Is Confusing

Ashley Graham's Message Is Confusing
Ashley Graham appears to be America’s only commercially successful overweight model, meaning she either singlehandedly represents about eighty million American women, or there’s just not a huge market for fat models or slow athletes. If you could describe Graham’s general attitude in one word, it would be confidence. She’s really fucking confident. In fact, she ...

State Of The Union 1

State Of The Union
The date is May 4, 2017. The president of the United States is a shitty reality show host with a poor vocabulary. He’s not a self made man, yet is incapable of realizing everyone’s dad didn’t give them ten million dollars. His wife is a Soviet Bloc prostitute. She lives in a building sporting his own ...

Brie Larson Making Change

Brie Larson Making Change
Brie Larson will be playing Captain Marvel in an upcoming film, likely to be followed by several shitty sequels. This makes Captain Marvel the first female Marvel character to have a stand-alone film, and comes on the heels of an upcoming Wonder Woman reboot. The general consensus is that we need more women playing superheroes. This ...

Face Wounds Becoming Overrated

Face Wounds Becoming Overrated
The face wound has long been a cinematic trope for illustrating physical harm. It’s symbolic of greater physical torment.We are to assume that for every cut or gash a person has on their face, that their entire being is suffering ten times over. Your face has a relatively small surface area, and in a combat situation ...

Becca Longo Proves Title IX A Total Hypocrisy 3

Becca Longo Proves Title IX A Total Hypocrisy
Becca Longo, an 18 year old high school senior, just signed a letter of intent to play for Adams State University’s football team. It is believed she is the first female to earn a scholarship to play college football. I know what you’re thinking, no, she’s not going to be playing defensive end. Place kicker. You ...

Are Women A Minority? 3

Are Women A Minority?
I was listening to NPR while driving past tent cities of homeless people on Sunset when I heard something so asinine as to make me pull over in anger and yell at my dashboard display, momentarily thinking my words would get through to the people in the studio who had recorded this days earlier. The program ...

Buying Shit Is Not Activism

Buying Shit Is Not Activism
Millennials have embraced cause-related marketing like no previous generation. This is when a company pulls the heart strings of a consumer to manipulate them into thinking that they’re not just buying shoes, they’re doing something to help people too. It’s tying the company to a specific cause. For every pair of shoes Toms sells, they give a ...

Lamentations on the Big and Tall Section 4

Lamentations on the Big and Tall Section
I’m a fairly tall guy. Six feet four inches tall to be exact. Above average. Height has no doubt afforded me a few advantages in life, such as being able to see at concerts and sometimes curry favor with women who would be otherwise out of my league. When I am in public height does ...

The Trump’s Hair Is Telling 1

The Trump's Hair Is Telling
You can tell a lot about a man by his hair. In the case of Donald Trump, you can tell he is gross, artificial, insecure, ostentatious, and that he is prone to making bad decisions, based on his hair. You can also tell that he is a liar, based on his explanation of what the ...