Dumb Americans Hate Chavez 1

We all know that the multi-billionaires who fund the Republican party have orchestrated their retarded followers to hate a lot of things of which they have no idea why – gays, science, bus boys – but until his recent death I had no idea how many DUMB AMERICANS HATE CHAVEZ.

You don’t have to go far on your television or your local feed lot to hear middle-aged poor white people vapidly grumbling about ‘socialism’ or ‘communism’, and how they’re ‘glad he’s dead.’

Can someone remind me again why these dumb Americans hate Chavez?

The following is a very short and unbiased summary of Chavez’ political career that I think is pretty easy to understand: Chavez helped to overthrow a right-wing government which was blatantly suppressing the rights of its citizens – a government, much like that of the United States, in which the upper class was very rich, and the lower class was very poor. Chavez failed in his coup, but eventually won election as a hero of the disenfranchised poor. During his multiple terms in office, Chavez’ main accomplishments were: 1) Taking national control of Venezuela’s oil (not allowing the United States to steal it for pennies on the dollar) and using the vast profits from this oil to fund education and health programs. 2) Giving political recognition to Venezuela’s historically neglected indigenous peoples. 3) Re-structuring Venezuela’s constitution in order to allow for far greater civil liberties for its people (the liberties not allowed under the former Rightist leadership) 4) Creating a food subsidy program so that starving people could eat.

Now, I need you to listen closely, DUMB AMERICANS WHO HATE CHAVEZ, this is called SOCIALISM. Say it with me. Its kind of like how, for example, the United States gives you social security when you get old, or how it might give money to the post office so you can mail a letter for cheap. Are you with me?

Ok. A large amount of the negativity surrounding Chavez is that he aligned himself with Iran’s ultra-conservative (funny how those ones are always the most evil, regardless of the country) president, and talked a ton of shit about how America is an imperialist nation seeking to exploit the poor of the world for its own personal gain. This is because that’s true. For an example of this, take a look at any poor country around the world with any kind of natural resource. The United States either has an occupying military force in that country, or has strategically set up occupying forces around that country so that they can eventually steal a bunch of shit from that country. This is pretty basic stuff.

So, this presence has afforded a very small population of this country the ability to benefit from being the richest country in the history of the world, and, with that, comes the ability to buy things, like television stations. All of them, every program on TV is owned by six companies. And they influence opinions. And they don’t want you to like Chavez, because they want Venezuela’s oil. And that’s the reason that DUMB AMERICANS HATE CHAVEZ.

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Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

One comment on “Dumb Americans Hate Chavez

  1. Reply Retep Mar 9,2013 12:47 am

    Right on the money. You’re one smart hick. Love this blog.
    Retep

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