Pick one because it can’t be both. When the supreme court legalized gay marriage I celebrated, but it was a bit hampered. I knew the religious right egged into rabid ignorance by the Koch PACs would find some other issue to latch onto and generally rain on the parade of humanity. Will it be immigration or a new drug or ISIL? These guppies surely don’t have strong opinions about the new free trade agreement. The Trans Pacific Partnership. Obama’s parting fuck you to America.
Life hasn’t change since the ruling came down. You can still go to Chick ‘Fil A and they still have all the sauces. It’s remarkable how little you hear about gay marriage anymore. It seemed for a while like it was a real life and death situation. Now the minute it’s legal it’s as if it never happened, as that ravenous vitriol just vanished from the national zeitgeist. The same would happen if any number of progressive policies were put into effect. The fear mongering is proven impotent. You’re wrong bigots, and I do congratulate you on your shutting the fuck up now. Yet, like with segregation and slave labor, your easily adaptable morality doesn’t negate what you advocated prior to the changing of the times. The people who like Donald Trump are the people who went to watch lynchings in the past. It’s a certain personality. The dimwits and bad apples will always be tricked into pushing back. Feel free to remind your conservative friends of the stance they’d taken on gay marriage just a few years back. Keep reminding them every year until they’re ninety and people born in 2038 hear about this and call them fucking douchebags. They deserve it, don’t feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for the harmless gay people whose oppression they had a hand in. Not for them. They’re silent cowering pussies. Most conservatives are deep down. That’s why they like to whip people who can’t fight back. Keep watching FOX News, you’ll find a source to expend your daily allotment of misguided hatred onto.
A minor fallout from this recent bout of progress is that twenty year old chicks and a few hipster dudes from Hollywood who’ve been tricked into thinking they’re interesting are piggybacking onto gay acceptance in order to generate attention for themselves. You’ve heard Miley Cyrus disclose that she came out to her mom as bisexual when she was fourteen, although there is conspicuously no record of that happening and it would be easy and convenient to make up and the announcement came at the exact time that being gay was more popular than it has ever been in America, by far. The James Franco types play it coy as well. Maybe I’m gay, maybe I’m not. It shouldn’t be an issue. If that’s true, why do you keep talking about it?
The actor Tom Hardy recently shot down a gay reporter for a gay magazine who asked him about his sexuality. Hardy was promoting a movie where he plays a pair of twins, one gay, one not. The reporter’s question was as follows: “In the film, your character Ronnie is very open about his sexuality. But given interviews you’ve done in the past, your own sexuality seems a bit more ambiguous. Do you find it hard for celebrities to talk to media about their sexuality?”
Hardy got super offended, refused to elaborate on the question, shot down the reporter, and was hailed as a hero on social media. In short he said it’s nobody’s business. The reporter may have chosen to ask this question in reference to an interview Hardy had given a few years back where he said some things about his being pretty freaking gay, as in hooking up with and being sexually attracted to men. Hence, as a married guy with kids who is openly into dudes and who is promoting a movie where he plays one straight guy and one gay guy, the question actually seems nuanced to the point of a job well done. If you were acting in a movie where you played a basketball player it might be a pertinent question to ask if you’d ever played basketball. Same with blowing dudes. The entire episode follows a now established pattern. Wax ambiguously about your sexuality to anyone who will listen, and then when asked to elaborate on your own inconclusive points, feign persecution. Do you want to talk about it or not? Pick one.
Another example of this waffling is the former child actress Keke Palmer who now releases albums where she sings, as you would expect. It seems the logical career path of a child actor would be adult actor. Not the case. They sing. It makes no sense. Anyway, Palmer was featured in some shitty music video featuring themes of gay sexuality and when asked what the point was said this:
“My sexuality is up to me… I’m making the rules for myself, and I don’t have to be stuck down to one label… I don’t feel the need to define nothing to nobody, because I’m always changing. Why say that I’m this or that when I might not be tomorrow?”
Everyone knows their sexuality is up to them. It’s still not and never was assigned to you by the IRS. Suffice to say, Palmer likes to go down on dudes and chicks. It’s not that nuanced and there’s no need to get philosophical about it. Again, you have someone provoking banal interest and then invoking their precious privacy after a nonexistent invasion of it. That only works if your art is deep. In this case, it isn’t. You don’t have an ace up your sleeve. There simply aren’t that many options. Furthermore, if you’re a chick and you slam your pussy against another chick sometimes, you’re bisexual. Labels exist so that people can explain things. All words, actually, are fucking labels. Your blood type is B Positive. That’s a label. You can’t squiggle your way out of it. Your doctor will stop listening. Journalists give you a lot more leeway.
All of these people, my fellow progressives, I will venture to speak for them, agree that a person’s sexuality shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter socially or professionally. So, it doesn’t matter. As you should ask the conservatives what they thought after the fact, you should ask the image conscious pseudo liberals what they thought before it.
Then walk away as they’re talking because they’re fucking annoying.