The NFL’s Ridiculous American Flag Display Devours Itself


I was watching Monday Night Football and prior to the game for reasons unknown a bunch of people trotted out a giant American flag which covered the entire football field, an obnoxious display intended to prove the NFL is more American than any other American thing in America.

The reasoning behind public displays of patriotism at sporting events has always eluded me, specifically I have no idea what pledging allegiance to a piece of cloth has to do with people throwing balls around.

In this particular case, the histrionics behind the notion of freedom in police occupied NSA America were even more demonstrative than usual, and the egregious display actually collapsed in on itself like a black hole of naivety and led to flag handling etiquette being broached, which I, as the only person who noticed the fledgling hypocrisy, found hilarious.

As you can see the gerrymandered rural Texas county sized flag is touching the ground here, because it’s quite difficult to handle a super sized flag of this magnitude, which is possibly why it’s never been done in the past, although maybe it hasn’t been done because it is an insanely pointless and idiotic endeavor in the first place.

I am not the flag raising type, but even I know the flag isn’t supposed to touch the ground or be used as a napkin at a rib place. According to

“When the flag is lowered, no part of it should touch the ground or any other object; it should be received by waiting hands and arms.”

So here are a bunch of people trying to prove how much they’re into the flag, and in the process breaking one of the major rules involved in handling the flag.

In trying to out America everyone you all just disrespected the flag more than I ever could by not removing my NASCAR hat while Ariana Grande sings a revised version of the happenings of the Revolutionary War while wearing cat ears en route to Floyd Mayweather’s after party.

That’s why you shouldn’t participate in ridiculous spectacles like this.

The terrorists and socialists are laughing at you.

They’re pretty patriotic, too.



Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

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