I went to read an article and THIS happened!!! 1

Nothing happened.

I’m really tired of this shit. I hate this new phenomenon. It’s not especially pressing, but it is an annoying thing that has become ubiquitous and slightly degrades our quality of life.

I’m referring to these bating spam type of trivial filler bullshit drivel that seems to be dominating the Huff Po.

This is an typically asinine headline:

“You’re Probably Missing Out On THIS Major Way to Save Money.” 

What major way?

Don’t worry there are no major revelations in this article.

If there were, they would clearly be in the body of the headline.

Here’s the thing about headlines, just a little secret I learned from having been born in the last 200 years – if, in fact, there is something newsworthy in a particular article, it would clearly come up IN THE HEADLINE.

That’s the whole point of headlines.

That’s kind of why they have them.

It reminds me of my good friend Jake Dill’s comedy bit which I will paraphrase (poorly) here –

Why is there a show on the History Channel about catching Bigfoot? I’m pretty sure if they caught Bigfoot, I wouldn’t hear about it on the History Channel. Your channel is called History. It’s like the opposite of news. 

Thanks Jake.

If there were in fact a new way to make money, I am almost certain I’d have heard of it already.

To prove my point, if you read the bullshit article I linked above, you will see that this new way to make money is just to look for online coupons.

FUCKING REVOLUTIONARY.

Let’s just stop clicking on anything ominously worded and not reward unimaginative bullshit writers for taking advantage of our good natured curiosity.

So, THAT will happen.

Douchebags.