Why Aren’t The Networks Airing Obama’s Immigration Speech?

LA May Day Marches Celebrate Workers, Push For Immigration Reform

I found it strange none of the major TV networks are airing Obama’s speech announcing landmark immigration reform. A quick recap of what they will be showing in that time slot instead:

ABC: Grey’s Anatomy followed by Scandal. This should be a great ep of Grey’s! I heard McDreamy is going to perform surgery on some cracker ass kid who got shot with a cross bow while hunting neighborhood cats. On Scandal some hot chick is going to talk about things that are going on at the white house in a bastardized made for Pizza Hut Audience simplified tone. Meanwhile, actual things will be going on at the white house like Obama announcing immigration reform. If you watch either of these, you’re dumb.

CBS: The Big Bang Theory followed by Mom. On this episode of Bang, the husband is pussy whipped! Hilarity ensues. Then on Mom Zoe Deschanel will annoy you with her voice and face while the show gets canceled. Meanwhile my friend’s wife is struggling with her immigration status. If you watch these programs, go to hell.

FOX: Bones followed by Gracepoint. On this episode of Bones the male and female detective characters put off banging each other until the season finale! Then, on Gracepoint, absolutely knows what will happen because nobody has ever seen it. Later in the week look for FOX to air countless hours of uniformed drivel about the speech they didn’t air in the first place. If you watch Bones tonight you’re dumb. If you watch Gracepoint you need to be committed.

NBC: The Biggest Loser: Glory Days followed by Bad Judge. On The Biggest Loser, former contestants will attempt to lose some of the weight they’ve gained back since their kidneys started functioning again. Then on Bad Judge some chick will drive a screwdriver through her face while George Bush’s yorkie licks up the spillage. My odds the people watching either of these shows are the same ones who like to spit out half racist talking points about immigration.

So, why would every major network break precedent and not air a major Presidential speech? A few reasons.

1) Immigration reform is a major talking point for Republicans because all they have left is the white vote and they are pandering to their dumb racist voting base. Anyone who thinks about it for one commercial break of Grey’s Anatomy might come to the conclusion that, if they really wanted to, Republicans could halt immigration immediately since they vote for corporations. Of course that would cut into their bottom line, and less into the bottom line of the people the corporations employ since undocumented workers don’t get paid well or get benefits typically.

2) The Obama Administration is currently at odds with the Federal Communications Commission regarding internet neutrality. The same conglomerates looking to slow down your internet are the ones supplying your programming. Better to not give the president a mouthpiece while you plot to screw over your dumb audience while they watch Zoe Deschanel fry out her vocal chords. The Republican party’s last vestige of a philosophy is breaking down anti trust barriers. Hence, Gracepoint!

3) By not airing the speech, the networks guarantee themselves more programming. This is a bit of a new phenomenon, but basically you just keep your audience dumb and then you can pay a bunch of people to talk about a subject they aren’t familiar with for days on end. Its much cheaper than filling your lot with actors and explosives.

Its like reality TV except its about reality. This plays into the whole Republican thing about screwing people over. Advertising dollars remain the same. Costs are lower. In fact why can’t we just hire a bunch of artichoke pickers to take over for Hannity and call it a day?

Very Disappointed,

3/3/15

 

 

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Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

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