You can tell how cool and hip Lyft is because their cars have mustaches and they misspell their name. They totally ‘Get It.’
Taking cabs is for squares.
You are super indie if you take Lyft because you want to give your money to a cool, smart, innovative company, not to the establishment which lobbies against skinny jeans and whimsical tattoos of Frank Zappa.
You are super smart because you own a smart phone, something the idiotic slave children who mine the materials for probably couldn’t even figure out how to work! What a bunch of lame asses!
Given how insanely cool Lyft is I found it odd when someone from their legal department sent me a letter regarding this silly video I made:
Here is the letter:
Hi Matt,
My name is Paige Thelen and I’m reaching out on behalf of the Communications team at Lyft. We noticed your post with the video that you worked on with Arlo Sanders and wanted to touch base.
Can you confirm that this was a parody ride performed for the purpose of creating the video for your audiences? We would like to request that you post a disclaimer to eliminate any uncertainty. As it stands now it is unclear that the video is a parody and is misleading for both drivers and passengers.
I’ve included a sample disclaimer below. Please confirm that you received this email and will update your post accordingly.
Thanks,
PaigeDISCLAIMER: “This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.”
Hey thanks for reachin’ out Paige! So cool to touch base with u! We should totes grab a microbrew sometime on our single geared bicycles. Also, I have an idea: Go fuck yourself.
Perhaps you forgot this is America. I have never seen Saturday Night Live post ridiculous legal disclaimers for parodies stating that Will Ferrel is not actually James Lipton. Wouldn’t it kind of ruin the joke if The Onion posted disclaimers above their articles?
The only conclusion I can draw from this letter is that either Lyft thinks their customers are morons, the people who work at Lyft are morons, or Lyft is far less cool than they would want you to think.
DISCLAIMER: The video above is 100 percent real and documents events which actually happened. None of the people pictured above are actors. To suggest otherwise would mean that you have a distorted view of reality. Lyft drivers are frequently crazy, violent, and sexually perverse individuals who would just as soon kill you as look at you. Also I heard Dick Cheney is considering purchasing Lyft in order to screen passengers for the purpose of selecting a perfect Manchurian candidate to commit international assassinations.