Someone recently told me that Prostitution is the oldest profession. I don’t understand how this could be the case
If prostitution is the act of exchanging sex for money, how could it be the oldest profession? Where was the money coming from to pay them? Clearly a profession must have existed for dudes to have the money to pay the prostitutes.
Were the prostitutes paid in sacks of grain? Well, if so, then farming would have to be the oldest profession. Were they wearing clothes? Then seamstressing could be the oldest profession. Its not like prostitutes also farmed and made clothing. If they could do that, why would they be prostitutes?
Maybe early prostitutes were working on some kind of deferred-loan basis for a few years prior to the use of currency, but this strikes me as unlikely because I am pretty sure that prostitutes are not good business-women, which I am basing solely on the fact that they haven’t figured out how to not let fat, sweaty, un-circumcised disgusting men pound them all day, every day.
I think if they were well versed in financial strategy they wouldn’t be prostitutes.
So, what is the oldest profession?
If we are equating the word profession with the use of actual currency, then I am going to say that Coin Maker is the oldest profession – although any coin-maker who claimed that would be a real dick.
That being said, prostitution has probably always been a very common practice. You can tell because they call their clients Johns. Why do they call them that?
Because John has always been a really common name. Most of them probably banged a lot of guys named John.
If a prostitute was trying to figure out who gave them syphilis and couldn’t remember, their best bet was probably just to say the most common name possible, because someone could always find a guy named John and there was always probably a guy named John with syphilis as well because we all know that guys named John love to bang hookers, as I explained earlier.
It shouldn’t surprise you that hookers have a hard time remembering names of their Johns (as long as the guy’s name isn’t John) because hookers are usually uneducated and aren’t very good at bookkeeping and in fact most were and still probably are functionally illiterate.
Yes, you can figure out how to post an ad on Craigslist and still be functionally illiterate.
So, obviously farmer, or if you want to get technical, Coin Maker, is the oldest profession.
Let’s stop giving prostitutes so much credit.
We need to take this title away from them. If they need something to replace it, maybe they could go with,
The Grossest Profession or The Least Savory Profession.
Just a few suggestions, let me know if you think of any others.