Like many of you I was irritated with everything leading up to the Floyd Mayweather fight, particularly its utterly predictable conclusion. The Nevada State Athletic Commission has chosen to overlook the fact that Mayweather is a serial woman beater at the behest of state lawmakers who want revenue from the fight. Pacquiao seemed psyched to show up, lose, and collect his check, and Mayweather esentially taunted the people who paid for it afterwards.
The fight itself was inexplicably lame, and I was irritated watching the diminutive and evasive Mayweather dance around and touch his opponent with his tiny fist. What kind of sport rewards punches landed without factoring in their impact? Isn’t the point supposed to be to knock someone out? You don’t win a basketball game based on how many assists you have.
Tiny guys are often more likely to beat up women. It’s engrained into them at a young age when people start kicking their asses. Especially if they are illiterate like Floyd Mayweather and raised by an ignorant shit ball family and don’t have any outlet for their emotions and express themselves through flashy possessions on their Instagrams.
A few thoughts went through my mind watching the fight. Mayweather is one of the most hated athletes of all time. Virtually everyone wanted him to lose, including his own security guards. I started thinking of all the dads out there, and just all the normal dudes who don’t like woman beaters, and how many people watching the fight wished they could kick Mayweather’s ass personally.
Then I started thinking about all the people who can actually kick his ass, since he is coming in at a whopping 5’8″ and 154 pounds.
First off, every elite UFC fighter could kick Mayweather’s ass in a fight. Currently there are fifteen fighters in each of eight weight classes. I’m going to disregard the Flyweight division, where the guys come in at around 125 pounds, even though I’m pretty sure all of them could kick Floyd Mayweather’s ass. If he were to catch them with a solid punch it might lop off their little heads.
That leaves 105 fighters who could definitely kick Floyd Mayweather’s ass and it’s not even worth arguing. People don’t fight by dancing around and tapping others in real life. In real life you get taken down to the ground and punched repeatedly in the head, which is how Mayweather fights his amateur female opponents.
Boxing has a number of extremely conflicted and confusing weight classes because boxing is corrupt and it sucks. Of those, six weight classes are heavier than Welterweight, the class Mayweather fights in, including Light Heavyweight and Heavyweight.
I’m going to assume around the top 5-10 fighters in each of those weight classes could easily kick Floyd Mayweather’s ass, since he is small and they are big.
I’m going to further assume there are at least five or six collegiate and Olympic wrestlers who can kick Floyd Mayweather’s ass as well. Especially those cornfed white boys from Iowa who come in at 220 pounds rocking blonde back hair who could throw his tiny ass into the second row of their empty meet.
Since Mayweather is generously 5’8″, I’m going to assume it would be hard for him to land a Don Flamenco style punch on anyone over 6’4″, and so I think there are a hand full of NBA and NFL guys from shitty parts of Florida going about 6’8″ 270 who could definitely kick his ass such as Donkey Kong Suh.
I also think there are like 15 super fucking scary Russian dudes sitting in burned basements right now who can kick Mayweather’s ass. It’s a big country. Also when I say Russia I include everything from Siberia to Poland and South to Ethiopia. Pure numbers game.
Speaking extremely conservatively, that’s 170 living people who can kick Floyd Mayweather’s ass all totaled.
Which brought me back to my original point. If all these guys can kick his ass why aren’t they?
What’s the point of weight classes?
Isn’t it supposed to be the two toughest guys fight and one of them wins, and that guy is the best fighter?
Sure you have an advantage if you’re heavier than someone you’re fighting. That’s the whole point of athletics. There’s no professional basketball league where they cap the players at 6’2″.
Maybe if you’re a remarkably un-intimidating little guy you’re not supposed to fight for a living. It’s almost like there have to be elaborate rule structures in place to even make it feasible for you.
This all brings me back to my initial frustration. Why do we want to watch these two tiny little men tap each other with their little fists when a huge Russian ogre could come into the ring and kick the shit out of both of them at the same time and then go smoke a carton of Parliaments.
If you’re thinking this whole best person wins notion could be interpreted to eradicate all of women’s sports, you’re right. Let the best players play against each other, regardless of weight, height or gender.
Moving forward in this new century we need to focus on equality. Tough guys fight tough guys. The fastest people race the fastest people. Step onto the mat. Leave the scales out of it.