matt ralston

Why I Can Dress As Ray Rice For Halloween

Rice

Ray Rice recently said he is “Praying for the people” who are dressing as Ray Rice for Halloween. I’m sure they are eternally grateful. Let me make a bold assumption: The people dressing as Ray Rice for Halloween aren’t woman beaters. It would kind of draw too much attention to yourself. The people who beat their wives are most likely the creeps buying those His and Hers costumes. Mr. and Mrs. Cable Guy.

I feel free to dress up as Ray Rice because I don’t beat women. And I don’t need Ray Rice’s prayers any more than the Holocaust victims need the Mormons to pray them into heaven. I’m sure Ray Rice finds the costumes distasteful. Yet the people who dress as Ray Rice probably find cold clocking your wife in an elevator slightly more distasteful.

I feel if anything the costumes are a positive in that they draw attention to domestic violence by implicitly stating,

Remember that time when Ray Rice knocked out his fiancee in an elevator?

Its cool that Ray Rice became baptized as a Born Again Christian after he punched out his lady. Its also cool that I never felt the need to become a Born Again Christian because I never punched out my lady. I’m guessing the people in these Ray Rice costumes lack a ton of religious consternation, and in no way desire the approval of a guy who punched out his wife or care either way about his delusional conversations with his friend in the sky.

In short, if you don’t want to be the guy who people reference for punching their wife in the face, don’t be the guy who punches his wife in the face.

Its always the psychopaths who find God. Prisons rival Vatican City as far as the Christian demographic.

Its cool that Ray Rice and Charles Manson found Jesus. But would that Boomerang have swung so far if they were actually good people to begin with?

Where’s the credit for the people in the middle? The people who never killed anyone and never go to church? The people who don’t beat women and think a costume referencing Ray Rice beating a woman is funny because there’s nothing on our conscience.

Where’s our Baptism?

Its called Bud Light and Stoli and you will be christened at a Halloween party surrounded by your friends who you choose to hang out with because none of them are woman beaters, pimps, or murderers.

Feel free to pray the night away dressed as Paul The Apostle, or even in a dorky overcompensated Fred Flintstone costume, Ray. Even though I might be dressed as you, trust me on this, you’ll be the farthest thing from my mind.

 

 

 

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