There is No Royal Baby

I hate to break it to anyone who has been bombarded by news coverage of this royal baby, but there isn’t one. You see, calling yourself royalty in this day and age is something that only a raging asshole would do, and I hate to bestow such qualities on a newborn baby, because I believe ...

My Guide to Punching People

Growing up in Alaska, the threat of physical violence casually loomed over many of my experiences. There was a lot of hostility, a lot of bored guys with nothing to lose. Townies. G.I.’s, etc.  I’ve seen countless fist-fights up close and in person, and there’s nothing really that cool about it. That’s one of the ...