This is the grossest thing I have ever seen happen.
I was hanging out in Hollywood at the Burgundy Room. All the dudes there are constantly dressed up like punk rockers.
I frankly don’t respect any adult man who purchases accessories other than ketchup.
I don’t honestly know where you go to buy studded belts or hair dye, but I am quite sure that the bracelet section at any given mall has a lower eye contact ratio among men than the scat-porn section of your average skid row video store.
Anyway, I’m hanging out in this bar and all of these poser assholes are standing around in their costumes.
Literal costumes. If you dress up like a punk rocker, its cool on Halloween and that’s it. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know what you’re thinking.
“What if you’re actually in a punk rock band?”
Even worse. There aren’t any punk rock bands anymore, that was forty years ago. Dressing like a gay biker isn’t made better by jabbing two chords of some Sex Pistols bullshit which was actually created to make fun of people exactly like you.
So, I’m trying to ignore whatever is happening, but I notice that this dude who looks like a faggy Cher next to me orders a Pabst.
If you drink beer you know that Pabst is pretty fucking gross. So why do so many hipster assholes make a point to order it?
Because they’re fucking morons.
In case you didn’t know, Pabst hasn’t been an actual company for around thirteen years. Multiple corporations have bought and transferred this label around like a shitty marble in the bottom of a brown paper bag and the beer that you identify with is the exact same beer that is pumped into cans with different labels that are marketed to douchebags and posers of all kinds. Olympia for guys with fake beards and Colt 45 for trust fund kids in their homeless phase.
Anyway, this unique individual goes to pay for his beer and pulls out, for the three dollar tab, a CHASE DEBIT CARD.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck I just puked.
In 500 words I cannot explain how badly Chase has fucked up America. More so than beer has anyway.
Chase is a label of Morgan Stanley. And they also name it other things. In fact it is the reason that companies like Pabst don’t exist anymore.
And it all comes together. And its the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.