To be clear, I don’t hate all guys who live in sub-ideal parts of Los Angeles. I don’t hate the hard working people of Lincoln Heights, Arlington Heights, or Ladera Heights. I don’t hate the families living in Winnetka, Sun Valley, or Hawaiian Gardens, who have owned homes there for generations.<\/p>\n
Nor do I hate the upwardly mobile residents of Koreatown, Westchester, or Gardena.<\/p>\n
I am not suggesting that anyone not living in an exclusive neighborhood deserves to be hated based on their location, nor that many of these neighborhoods don’t offer cultural attractions, square-footage, or authenticity not found in the more real-estate inflated parts of L.A.<\/p>\n
I only hate this one guy, this is a guy that everyone knows, and everyone has heard his speech – this is the Hipster Guy Who Lives in a Shitty Neighborhood and Can’t Stop Talking About Why Its The Best Neighborhood In Town.<\/p>\n
Rather than just admit that he can’t afford to live where he first started looking for apartments when he first went to Hollywood to open a record store, this insecure douchebag has to constantly convince himself, and others, that he\u00a0loves\u00a0<\/em>Koreatown.<\/p>\n “It’s so central”<\/em>, he says with desperation.<\/p>\n Really? Do you know who isn’t bragging about their neighborhood being\u00a0central<\/em>? People in Malibu. The residents of Malibu apparently didn’t put\u00a0central\u00a0<\/em>on their list of amenities when they decided to live on a pristine cliffside beach, far removed from the gummy sidewalks and bus-exaust backdraft of Koreatown.<\/p>\n What does\u00a0central\u00a0<\/em>really mean? That it is close to everything? That’s exactly the problem. It’s close to neighborhoods with high murder rates. Malibu is close to the ocean.<\/p>\n “But, it’s really close to bus lines.”\u00a0<\/em>Right, I mean, why would you live in Malibu and drive a car to Staples Center when you could sit on a bus full hair tangles for nearly the same amount of time?<\/p>\n You know what’s coming next,<\/p>\n “I love taking the bus. I get so much more done.”\u00a0<\/em>Dude, just stop. You got a DUI, you can’t afford a car yet, whatever. Frankly I don’t believe that you get anything done on the bus because you have to watch your back, and reading in moving vehicles makes most people nauseous. Furthermore, driving a car doesn’t exclude one from didacticism, as motorists are currently free to visit a bookstore or library and select any number of language tutorials or audio books which they can listen to without getting their ear bitten off by a meth fiend.<\/p>\n “There’s this AMAZING taco truck around the corner.”\u00a0<\/em>Wow, I bet the people in Brentwood are super jealous that you can get tacos that you have to eat while standing up! I bet they’ve never even heard of tacos in Manhattan Beach!<\/p>\n The thing that I hate about this guy is that he would trade places with the guy in Malibu immediately. And, if someone offered him a car, he’d gladly take it. He just can’t admit he hasn’t won yet. Which is probably why he won’t.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" To be clear, I don’t hate all guys who live in sub-ideal parts of Los Angeles. I don’t hate the hard working people of Lincoln Heights, Arlington Heights, or Ladera Heights. I don’t hate the families living in Winnetka, Sun Valley, or Hawaiian Gardens, who have owned homes there for generations. Nor do I hate …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[149],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1053"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1053"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1053\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1059,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1053\/revisions\/1059"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1053"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1053"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1053"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}