{"id":13,"date":"2013-02-23T02:51:34","date_gmt":"2013-02-23T02:51:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mattralston.net\/?p=13"},"modified":"2017-05-14T20:28:12","modified_gmt":"2017-05-14T20:28:12","slug":"how-to-get-a-rub-and-tug","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/sex\/how-to-get-a-rub-and-tug\/","title":{"rendered":"How to get a Rub and Tug"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sometimes things happen that really throw you for a loop, such as learning how to get a rub and tug. \u00a0A few weeks ago I had a lapse in judgement and did a cannonball into a kiddy pool, landing right on my back. \u00a0I was in pain. \u00a0I needed a massage. \u00a0I’d never had one before. \u00a0I called a friend of mine who I know visits massage parlors frequently, and asked him where I should go. \u00a0He gave me the address of a place on Santa Monica Blvd, and I headed over.<\/p>\n

I laid down on the table, and a forty year old woman with a thong sticking out of her jeans came into the room. \u00a0She looked like a hooker you’d see in a TGI Fridays in Billings. \u00a0I told her my back was killing me. \u00a0She proceeded to start prodding at it like she was kneading dirty Play-Doh. \u00a0It felt horrible. \u00a0I just got up and left. \u00a0The woman at the front desk told me how much money I owed, something like sixty dollars. \u00a0I explained that I’m not cheap, and I’m not trying to rip you off, but you did a horrible job, and I’m not paying you.<\/p>\n

This could probably get you killed in an actual whore house, but massage parlors are kind of a weird hybrid. \u00a0There are apparently never dudes around.<\/p>\n

I called my friend and told him I needed another place. \u00a0He pointed me just down the street. \u00a0Next to a Cuban restaurant and a laundromat sat this weird castle door, no sign, nothing. I rang a buzzer, and the door popped open. \u00a0An Asian woman greeted me when I walked into the lobby.<\/p>\n

“You been here before?” She asked.<\/p>\n

“Yeah” I said. \u00a0You should always say ‘yes’ when someone asks you that in any situation.<\/p>\n

She showed me into a room and I laid down. \u00a0In walks a young Hispanic woman that could grace the cover of Cosmo. \u00a0Insane. \u00a0I told her my back hurt. \u00a0She looked at it.<\/p>\n

“You should probably go to a place that actually gives massages. \u00a0Or see a doctor” She said. \u00a0She looked like the kind of girl who could really show you how to get a rub and tug.<\/p>\n

See, I had been under the impression that every massage parlor actually gives massages. \u00a0This is not the case. \u00a0There are places that give massages, and places that don’t. \u00a0This is the most important thing to know when learning how to get a rub and tug.<\/p>\n

The next thing that happened is she asked me “What do you want?” Since I figured a massage was out of the question, I figured, what the hell. \u00a0I walked out not feeling guilty about it, because I’m probably the one guy that actually ever went into the place wanting a massage.<\/p>\n

So to recap, its pretty easy. \u00a0Find a random massage parlor that isn’t a fancy spa. \u00a0Say you’ve been there before. \u00a0Then, if you want to bang the chick, say you want “Everything.” \u00a0If you just want a tug, tell them that. \u00a0They will then charge you between 60 and 100 dollars. \u00a0This is how to get a rub and tug. \u00a0Its pretty easy. \u00a0They’re all over the place. \u00a0There are guys getting rub and tugs right now.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Buy This Happy Endings T-Shirt Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes things happen that really throw you for a loop, such as learning how to get a rub and tug. \u00a0A few weeks ago I had a lapse in judgement and did a cannonball into a kiddy pool, landing right on my back. \u00a0I was in pain. \u00a0I needed a massage. \u00a0I’d never had one …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3042,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13\/revisions\/3042"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}