{"id":1864,"date":"2015-07-08T17:22:07","date_gmt":"2015-07-08T17:22:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mattralston.net\/?p=1864"},"modified":"2015-07-08T17:28:25","modified_gmt":"2015-07-08T17:28:25","slug":"ariana-grande-just-piledrived-america","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/politics\/ariana-grande-just-piledrived-america\/","title":{"rendered":"Ariana Grande Just Piledrived America"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/FtpjjQVlFgw\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Ariana Grande is a ratchety midget who is signed to a major music label in their quest to appeal to\u00a0pedophiles, that&#8217;s why she wears the cat ears. She&#8217;s also twelve and probably thinks they&#8217;re cool. She&#8217;s an idiot.<\/p>\n<p>Grande recently went to a donut shop with her genderqueer boyband reject do-rag wearing backup dancer boyfriend and the pair started licking donuts when the staff wasn&#8217;t looking in a desperate attempt to convince each other they aren&#8217;t super boring.<\/p>\n<p>The staff at\u00a0the shop didn&#8217;t notice this at the time and then mined the video for some z-list trash to sell to TMZ for forty bucks and their dignity. That&#8217;s when they discovered the licking of the donuts and Grande saying &#8220;I hate Americans, I hate America.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The fact I know who Ariana Grande is shows that American culture is in steep decline. The fact that TMZ exists also shows that America is in steep decline. I might only know who she is from TMZ being blasted in the waiting room of my dentist&#8217;s office because people alternatively complain about MSNBC and FOX News because they&#8217;re too lazy to form their own opinion and the stuff on Adult Swim is a bit heady.<\/p>\n<p>The fact you can&#8217;t buy a donut without someone spelunking the house GoPro for an insensitive remark is a cultural phenomenon which should be addressed immediately. It is\u00a0probably tied to a general assault on\u00a0personal privacy which all major government agencies have been\u00a0lobbying for since 9\/11.<\/p>\n<p>Grande&#8217;s people (a bunch of adult losers who manage some talentless tweens&#8217; Twitter feeds) issued a vague apology on her behalf. Not so much about saying she &#8220;hates America&#8221; but for fat shaming, saying she &#8216;realizes obesity is a serious issue.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;ve now included obesity and the fat acceptance movement in this cultural trainwreck.<\/p>\n<p>Tying obesity to giant donuts is no different than observing a waning moon is caused by its orbit around the earth. You&#8217;re not supposed to eat donuts for breakfast. When the terrorists come stateside you&#8217;re going to need protein. That&#8217;s why we all know the fat ones will die first.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m slightly offended at someone who\u00a0can name three rappers&#8217; dicks but not the three branches of government saying they &#8220;hate America.&#8221; I&#8217;m not offended at all that they are commenting on the fact that you shouldn&#8217;t be eating a donut the size of a fedora, because shooting insulin is replacing baseball as our national pastime.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, donuts are much more dangerous than terrorists, stupid people, TMZ, and the NSA, FBI and Office of Homeland Security\u00a0put together. If the terrorists want to beat America, all they have to do is sit back and watch us eat. They will win.<\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t Terrorize, Super Size!<\/p>\n<p>Grande has now cancelled her headlining appearance at Major League Baseball&#8217;s All-Star Weekend.<\/p>\n<p>Excuse me, what?<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s no wonder baseball is becoming irrelevant. They should be trying to appeal to hairy-eared drunks in taverns. Where was John Mellencamp? Can the mechanic down the street just take the mic and say a few words? What is happening?<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;re becoming a kindergarten culture of fools. Have you listened to her music?<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s fitting that all of this happened on the 4th of July. Jesus&#8217; Birthday.<\/p>\n<p>Grande and her nubile ilk of non-musicians from Nickelodeon shows who lipsynch on stage are ruining music. Their uneventful personal lives are being covered by major news networks because things which are relevant\u00a0now offend corporate advertisers.\u00a0The NSA has such a stranglehold on information that they&#8217;ve convinced people it is a good idea to give security footage from your donut shop to the news. A chick who wears bunny ears is headlining a Major League Baseball event. She says she &#8220;hates America&#8221; and even the Patriotic idiots who care about that kind of thing are more upset she insinuated eating giant donuts might make you fat and that we should deny that reality in case it hurts any fat people&#8217;s feelings as they&#8217;re stuffing donuts into their face while they watch all this unfold on TMZ.<\/p>\n<p>And, standing eight count. It&#8217;s over. America lost.<\/p>\n<p>Who would have guessed the final Death\u00a0Blow would have come from such an unlikely source?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ariana Grande is a ratchety midget who is signed to a major music label in their quest to appeal to\u00a0pedophiles, that&#8217;s why she wears the cat ears. She&#8217;s also twelve and probably thinks they&#8217;re cool. She&#8217;s an idiot. Grande recently went to a donut shop with her genderqueer boyband reject do-rag wearing backup dancer boyfriend &#8230;<a class=\"post-readmore\" href=\"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/politics\/ariana-grande-just-piledrived-america\/\">read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[851],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1864"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1864"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1864\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1868,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1864\/revisions\/1868"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}