drug cartels<\/a>\u00a0which are currently responsible for rampant death, kidnapping and extortion in Mexico, as well as countless acts of violence along our borders and across the country due to the continued War on Drugs.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\nSo there you have Peyton Manning, arguably the most American American in all of the Americas, winning the most American achievement in America, and the first thing he does is hawk Budweiser and kisses the guy from Papa John’s on the mouth which I’ve yet to figure out but let’s acknowledge the whole thing was gloriously perverse.<\/p>\n
What’s the death rate of Vicodin users? What’s the death rate of people who eat McDonald’s for breakfast? What’s the death rate of people who drink Pepsi instead of water? If we’re actually concerned about death, explain the bizarre parameters of your criteria for potential advertisers.<\/p>\n
Anyone like Peyton Manning who speaks in imbedded advertising is a major creep, by the way. If I ask you to\u00a0recommend a good plumber and later find out you got a referral fee you’re dead to me, you coy Amway bitch. Manning didn’t acknowledge his stake in Budweiser, and Budweiser confirmed he didn’t get paid to mention it. But clearly he believes further popularizing the brand will be financially beneficial to him. With\u00a0the amount of teenagers\u00a0as well as\u00a0forty year old men who deify Manning, you\u00a0might question how\u00a0responsible his advocacy is, again compared with the fake Disneyfied image the NFL\u00a0is working towards.<\/p>\n
A lot of this comes back to the question of whether or not Manning actually enjoys Budweiser and Papa John’s. If he’s just a genuine simpleton who could hold that against him. A source\u00a0tells me he’s been in nightclubs with Manning, celebrating with teammates and that type of thing. These are the places\u00a0known for bottle service and not macrobrews. Apparently\u00a0Manning has been known to walk around such clubs audibly seeking out a Budweiser. Maybe he really likes Budweiser. Or maybe he’s a financially driven robot without a human personality. How many people has football killed by the way? Does MADD keep those stats? Maybe Manning\u00a0has brain damage.\u00a0That would explain his relentless loyalty to Budweiser when there’s Grey Goose in front of him.<\/p>\n
Nobody batted an eye following Manning’s post game speech\u00a0and the\u00a0NFL’s vast hypocrisy shined like a beacon light reflected off a Mormon’s forehead sweat\u00a0through the depraved cul de sacs, Budweiser piss stained alleyways, and paper bag laden Hennessy reeking ghetto porches of America.<\/p>\n
Yet,\u00a0whether or not\u00a0he was being honest, I salute Manning for saying he was going to drink “a lot of Budweiser” and not acquiescing to the ridiculous corporate spin machine which wants to pretend they want people to buy less alcohol, and that drinking and driving is a vast scourge on society compared to Big Macs and Oxycodone. It’s all avoidable behavior. But if I had\u00a0to choose I’d rather my nonexistent teenage kid\u00a0drive around on three Budweisers than three Xanax. I’d also rather they sometimes imbibe in\u00a0Budweiser than consider McDonald’s or Papa John’s to be\u00a0normal food.<\/p>\n
It should also be acknowledged that the guy Manning made out with, “Papa” John Schnatter, is an evil Republican prick. At least Manning’s transparent\u00a0about his disingenuousness.\u00a0The same can’t be said for the NFL. They’re bathing in Budweiser money whilst pretending to\u00a0have a moral compass.<\/p>\n
I say bring back the bikini girls and let’s shotgun a bunch of Budweiser. Let’s not be a nation of scorned children made to apologize to our puritanical superiors because we don’t sip beer for the flavor, and it’s fine to admit you buy Papa John’s\u00a0because you’re aware the ingredients suck and it’s just open late, and don’t ever get on your high horse with me when you’re taking Pfizer money, you rat pricks.<\/p>\n
Lost in all of this is what would have happened if Cam Newton mentioned that Hennessy.<\/p>\n
*All disease\/drunk driving stats are from the CDC, including MADD’s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“I’m gonna drank a lotta Budweiser tonight Tracy, I promise ‘ya that.”\u00a0Imagine if Cam Newton had won the Super Bowl and one of his first sentences was “I’m bout to pound a\u00a0lotta Hennessy tonight.”\u00a0I’d predict an impending firestorm of hate, although to be fair Cam Newton doesn’t own any liquor distributorships, as Manning does. Manning …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2282,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[949,947,948],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2277"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2277"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2277\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2283,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2277\/revisions\/2283"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2282"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2277"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2277"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2277"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}