{"id":374,"date":"2013-05-30T08:42:05","date_gmt":"2013-05-30T08:42:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mattralston.net\/?p=374"},"modified":"2013-05-30T20:23:16","modified_gmt":"2013-05-30T20:23:16","slug":"my-worst-call-ever-part-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/movies\/my-worst-call-ever-part-i\/","title":{"rendered":"My Worst Call Ever Part I"},"content":{"rendered":"

A year after moving away from my hometown to attend college I found myself in Seattle for the summer and in need of a job. At this period in my life I was under the impression that\u00a0matching<\/em> means your outfit is all the same color. So I would go out looking for a job in a red shirt, red shoes, and red pants. It is a very literal interpretation of the concept, but it is the only pure form of matching.<\/p>\n

Unable to score a hosting gig dressed as a gay Blood (gay-ngster), I looked in the\u00a0Classifieds\u00a0<\/em>and found a job advertising for a Landscaper\/Handyman. I called the number and told the man who answered that I had experience. This was a lie, but I figured anyone can mow a lawn or ruin someone else’s property with tools so I went to the interview.<\/p>\n

The interview was at a guy’s house deep in the suburbs. The guy: Chuck Brackett. He gave me a business card that said Chuck the Handyman <\/i>when I arrived.<\/p>\n

Chuck was indeed the ultimate handyman for many reasons. First of all, his last name is literally\u00a0Brackett<\/em>, which is a thing that handymen use all the time when fixing things.<\/p>\n

He told impressive stories of blue-collar heroics such as the time he won a lot of money gambling on his ability to pick up a dime with a fork-lift.<\/p>\n

Stepping in his house I was introduced to his lovely wife as well as their three young children.<\/p>\n

After some lying \u00a0I was hired and Chuck pawned me off on his wife and I rode around with her mowing lawns for a few months and everything was good.<\/p>\n

Then one day Chuck told me I was going to be riding with him because he needed me to install a doggie-door on someone’s house.<\/p>\n

Even though I’d rarely picked up a tool in my lifetime I just figured I’d spitball it, so he dropped me off at the house with a bunch of tools and went to do another job.<\/p>\n

I got a saw and cut a big chunk out of the person’s wall which was the exact size of the doggie-door. At that point I figured I’d do a little math and that, although a doggie-door would fit into a hole its’ exact size, it would probably be dislodged on a regular basis.<\/p>\n

So, I calmly called Chuck and told him I’d need a bigger doggie-door<\/em>. He arrived at the house, cigarette dangling from his lips, and was so pissed that he calmly excused himself to chop down a redwood.<\/p>\n

That wasn’t the worst call ever.<\/p>\n

The worst call came a few days later.<\/p>\n

I was back on landscaping duty and Chuck’s wife was telling me about this film that I should see called\u00a0Left Behind.\u00a0 <\/em>She let me borrow it after work.<\/p>\n

The film espouses the belief that Evangelical Christians will be Left Behind on earth after the Apocalypse.<\/p>\n

I watched a little bit of it and it sucked, so the next day I gave it back and included another movie with it to return the favor.<\/p>\n

That movie: Requiem for a Dream<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The film is directed by Darren Aronofsky and features an amputation and double-dildo scene amongst a morbidly frightening backdrop of hopelessness and despair.<\/p>\n

Did I factor in the utter-difference between these two films? One a Christian Propaganda piece and the other a slightly less disturbing cringe-fest? No.<\/p>\n

Was I imposing my preferences onto his family?<\/p>\n

Nope, I didn’t think about any of this. I’m just an idiot who gave them the last film I’d seen. I figured it would be a conversation starter I guess.<\/p>\n

The next day Chuck basically threw the DVD at me and explained that the entire family had watched it together the night before.<\/p>\n

All he said was,\u00a0“That is a really terrible movie.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Agreed.<\/p>\n

At that point our working-relationship deteriorated further and I was let go a few days later. I still feel bad picturing the family together watching one of the more heinous films ever made.<\/p>\n

Worst. Call. Ever.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A year after moving away from my hometown to attend college I found myself in Seattle for the summer and in need of a job. At this period in my life I was under the impression that\u00a0matching means your outfit is all the same color. So I would go out looking for a job in …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[329],"tags":[427,422,430,428,429],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=374"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":377,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions\/377"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=374"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=374"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=374"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}