I sometimes gawk at the idiocy of mainstream media, looking at it like the freak show it is while taking a minute to tell myself that hopefully it won’t lead our country into implosion until after I’m dead. I think the people who run CNN, FOX, and others are all well aware of our impending doom, and are more than happy to prod it along – as seems to be their duty – but apparently they don’t have enough respect for us to take their job seriously.<\/p>\n
Sure, they’re happy to lead a country of uninformed religious fundamentalists down a corporate sponsored road to hell – hosted by none other than Anderson Cooper, a Vanderbilt and close relative of those responsible for this country’s spiral in the first place – but they’d like to have a little fun with us first.<\/p>\n
One of the telltale signs I’ve found is that many networks have recently been hiring a lot of haughty British people as reporters and hosts. Matthew Chance, Robyn Curnrow, Nick Paton Walsh – these are just a few examples, but they all pale in omnipresence to the buffoon known as Piers Morgan.<\/p>\n
First of all, CAN SOMEONE TELL MY WHY ALL OF THESE BRITISH PEOPLE ARE DOMINATING AMERICAN NEWS?! These people are as British as it gets. They speak in ridiculous accents with the heir of posh boarding schools. Was their nothing to report on in their own country? Oh, right. Its already been spiraling for quite sometime.<\/p>\n
Is Larry the Cable Guy, Ted Nuegent, or Garth Brooks hosting a nightly news program in Britain? Because these people are the equivalent to Piers Morgan in terms of being cartoonish nationals. Why doesn’t Bret Michaels take over the BBC in his bandana?<\/p>\n
I know what you’re thinking:<\/p>\n
Hey, someone had to replace Larry King – Maybe Piers Morgan was the best man for the job!<\/em><\/p>\n Wrong. Piers Morgan is basically the Geraldo Rivera of Britain. He’s a joke there. In Britain, he worked for some trashy tabloids, and was the subject of serious ethics violations before coming to host shows on British television – which is atrociously produced by the way, and I would argue a terrible <\/em>farm league.<\/p>\n Prior to his CNN gig, Morgan was probably best known among Americans for winning Celebrity Apprentice<\/em>. So, he’s a tabloid hack and reality contestant.<\/p>\n Most interestingly, in 2006, Morgan launched a British newspaper called\u00a0First News<\/em> aimed at a readership of children aged 7-14 years old.<\/p>\n So, how does a foreigner with zero journalistic credibility in his homeland, and his highest acclaim in his adopted nation being that he won Celebrity Apprentice<\/em> become the face of a major American news network?<\/p>\n My theory: In an effort to keep American audiences as stupid and uninformed as possible, the networks decided to hire a novelty act who would speak to them as if they are 7-14 years old (and no doubt many of CNN’s viewers share the same intelligence level as foreign adolescents.)<\/p>\n People now get to gorge themselves on Taco Bell <\/em>and say,<\/p>\n Hey Honey! Come in here and listen to the silly man talk to Billy Ray Cyrus!<\/em><\/p>\n Personally, I don’t think they’ve gone far enough and I think that Morgan will soon wear thin, at which point there could be a risk of people paying attention to actual news. So, how do we keep these audiences watching Billy Ray and ignoring the elitist banking establishment’s goal of bankrupting our country for their own gain?<\/p>\n I’ll tell you how. It has to get sillier and dumber. I have recently sent an application to CNN in hopes of securing a ten hour block of programming every weekday. But, I won’t be doing my normal American accent. I will be doing a terrible British accent. This should really hook people in and allow for some additional pillaging in the meantime.<\/p>\n Here it is: