{"id":947,"date":"2014-03-24T01:49:06","date_gmt":"2014-03-24T01:49:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mattralston.net\/?p=947"},"modified":"2014-03-24T01:56:45","modified_gmt":"2014-03-24T01:56:45","slug":"extorting-independent-pizza-restaurant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/food\/extorting-independent-pizza-restaurant\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I am Extorting an Independent Pizza Restaurant"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why? Because I need to. And I am not extorting money. I am extorting pizza. Which, after checking with my lawyer, is perfectly legal.<\/p>\n

Here’s the deal, the other day, I bought a large pizza, which, in Los Angeles, runs you about thirty bucks.<\/p>\n

I picked it up, and this is what I got:<\/p>\n

\"photo(3)\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Do you see something missing here? Yeah, the cheese.<\/p>\n

I’m still getting used to the annoyances of L.A. cuisine – and I can tolerate the tropical iced tea, or, in the name of health, unbuttered toast.<\/p>\n

But if I order a pizza, I am not trying to be healthy, and I’m going to need a lot of cheese on it.<\/p>\n

Cheese makes a pizza. You can skimp on the mushrooms, or the sauce. I don’t care. But, you cannot skimp on the cheese.<\/p>\n

And by the way, I did <\/em>notice that you skimped me on the most expensive component of the pizza – nobody ever goes easy on the bread do they?<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

Not cool.<\/p>\n

I have contacted the establishment who sold me this bullshit pizza.<\/p>\n

I have sent them an email detailing the amount of people who read this shit, which is pretty substantial.<\/p>\n

They have one choice to make this right.<\/p>\n

If they don’t, then the name of the pizza place who gave me this bullshit, nearly cheeseless pizza will be released to the general public, and their business will falter.<\/p>\n

They know what they have to do.<\/p>\n

They have to provide me with a replacement pizza with adequate cheese.<\/p>\n

If not, it is going to be so over for them.<\/p>\n

Because I am taking back the streets.<\/p>\n

What’s it gonna be – as of yet unnamed pizza restaurant?<\/p>\n

Consider yourself warned.<\/p>\n

You have 24 hours.<\/p>\n

Your move.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why? Because I need to. And I am not extorting money. I am extorting pizza. Which, after checking with my lawyer, is perfectly legal. Here’s the deal, the other day, I bought a large pizza, which, in Los Angeles, runs you about thirty bucks. I picked it up, and this is what I got: Do …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[431],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/947"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=947"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/947\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":952,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/947\/revisions\/952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=947"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=947"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mattralston.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=947"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}