It’s Not Sexist To Say Hillary Clinton’s Voice Is Shrill 1

Hillary Clinton’s voice is rough on the ears. Shrill would be another way of stating it. High pitched, piercing, grating, annoying. This is not a sexist statement. To suggest so would be a miscarriage of social justice. Take a recording of her and play it to a small child and they’ll recoil in fear and throw your phone across the room.

To be fair to those Clinton supporters so arrogant as to suggest an accurate criticism is a sexist attack, many of us describing her as shrill are simply latching onto her voice as synecdoche to that of her entire personality. People find her off putting. Not because she’s a woman but because she’s a robot whose resting facial expression resembles that of Frank, the demonic otherworldly bunny rabbit from Donnie Darko.

She exudes a profound inauthenticity. This translates to her speaking voice as it has morphed over the years depending on which office she’s carpetbagging.

Her evolution into cyborg is illustrated in this clip, as she inexplicably turns into a country bumpkin while she and her husband lie about her husband’s affair habit.

Conventional wisdom amongst nitwit nineteen year old feminists or the all white all female editorial staff of the Huffington Post holds that Clinton is being unfairly criticized because she’s a woman and not because her method of public speaking entails screaming into a microphone while never blinking and carrying the pitch of a high school principle reading the code of conduct to the kids at in-school suspension.

Clinton herself has stated that being a woman should differentiate her from the pack of former presidents we’ve had up to this point. Speaking to Anderson Cooper about how her presidency would differ from a third Obama term:

“Well, I think the answer is pretty obvious. Umm, I think being the first woman president would be quite a change from the presidents we’ve had up until this point, including President Obama.”

How would your genitals offer a substantial change in governance exactly? Clinton is beholden to the same interests as all the penis wielding presidents in modern history. Her top donors are big banks and media conglomerates. That’s not just something people say, it’s a fact the same as how her voice sounds like an old abusive nanny yelling about spilled pancake mix.

With such a statement Clinton suggests some profound difference in the abilities of certain genders to perform better at certain tasks. Using her logic, maybe men are better than women at public speaking.

Of course, that’s just silly. Sarah Palin is freakishly obnoxious yet you didn’t hear much talk about the modulation of her voice because it’s quite passably human.

Nor have you heard anything about the voices of Dianne Feinstein, Elizabeth Warren, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Patty Murray, the list goes on and on. Because their voices aren’t grating like Hillary Clinton’s is.

Most every news outlet has acknowledged Donald Trump’s ridiculous toupee and spray tan or Chris Christie being fat or Bernie Sanders appearing disheveled. Because it’s noteworthy. So is Hillary Clinton’s aspriny voice.

It is acceptable and ubiquitously common in American society to make fun of anyone who’s insane enough to want to be president.

Are Hillary Clinton’s more annoying supporters advocating a double standard?

Usually, yes.

The TBS Network recently tweeted the below video making fun of Hillary Clinton’s maniacal laugh and comparing it to a hyena as part of a program they have to blast out unfunny click bait to the masses.

In response comedian Samantha Bee, who has a show on TBS called Full Frontal, which features a few pro-Hillary segments, tweeted back “Delete your account.” This is a quote of a Hillary Clinton tweet.

It’s unclear if this reference was meant as a joke but telling the network that gave you a show to delete their account has some of the familiar trappings of entitlement. No jokes. Just stop talking. Sounds familiar.

Or it’s just super badass depending on how you look at it.

Regardless the sentiment could not be more clear.

Don’t joke about Hillary Clinton or her creaky grandma voice because she’s a woman but vote for her for that very reason.

* To those unable to read a whopping few paragraphs without drawing conclusions not present anywhere within them, this is not an endorsement of Donald Trump who looks like a rotten turnip and sounds like a washed up baseball manager on bad coke.


Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

One comment on “It’s Not Sexist To Say Hillary Clinton’s Voice Is Shrill

  1. Reply TB Aug 6,2016 7:31 pm

    I gotta respect the hustle of her PR/campaign manager. Ensuring that she never is put in a situation where authenticity comes into play — a legitimate press conference with unscripted questions, an interview with a media member that isn’t completely in the tank for her, etc. — must be just exhausting.

Leave a Reply