Pretending to understand things.
Slovenian horror movie ghoul Melania Trump has added to her formidable list of accomplishments as first lady by building a tennis pavilion.
To be fair, she didn’t actually build it, but she did oversee the planning of it, if you believe in conspiracies. She also posed for a non-pornographic photo of herself wearing a hard hat while looking at some architectural drafts and nodding with the enthusiasm of someone reading the Terms and Conditions of their Verizon plan.
The tennis pavilion is 1,200 square feet, so, the size of a $200,000 house in Boise.
Melania has also commissioned her interior decorator to decorate the puny structure. It should be noted that she holds no job, and this would entail, liberally speaking, a thirty minute phone call.
It would go something like this:
Melania Trump: I like white couch.
Klonopin Ridden Frizzy Haired Decorator: Okay, yeah, totally.
Melania Trump: Tan couch, also make nice couch for sit.
Klonopin Ridden Frizzy Haired Decorator: You really have a knack for this.
This isn’t the first of the ostensibly worthless Melania Trump’s accomplishments as first lady. Quite the contrary – she has allowed people with jobs to renovate the Rose Garden, approved some Christmas decorations, and wore a jacket that pissed on poor detained Mexican children. She also has all of the working female biological parts.
As far as activism goes, she “runs” a campaign against cyber bullying, which from what I can see has consisted of her tweeting like five things about it. Again, she has no job, and this would cumulatively take, liberally speaking, thirty minutes.
It is also ironic that she would choose this subject while being married to a professional cyber bully, although we all know this is not a real marriage and that he is a pathetic man-boy and she is a Slovenian whore.
Here are some interesting facts about the White House:
- It has 132 rooms and 35 bathrooms.
- It is 54,900 square feet.
- If it were appraised on the free market, it would be worth roughly $400 million.
- It has a bowling alley and a movie theater.
- It has an outdoor pool, and an underground indoor pool, which most people don’t know.
I bring this up to show that, in context, the tennis pavilion that Melania Trump is taking credit for is, at best, an afterthought, and would only raise the value of the White House from $400 million to $400 million and thirty thousand dollars.
It should also be noted that nobody besides the President and his family live in the White House, that the tennis pavilion is not open to the public, and, according to Melania Trump, it is meant to be used solely by first families for “leisure time.”
It irked many that Melania Trump would choose to use her considerable resources to build a luxurious amenity for an already luxurious activity (the tennis court was already there, she just built a shack next to it), during a time when so many Americans are struggling.
Way to go.
Melania Trump’s response on Twitter was swift, strong, and grammatically fucked, as you’d expect:
“I encourage everyone who chooses to be negative & question my work at the @WhiteHouse to take time and contribute something good & productive in their own communities.”
Ah yes, Good & Productive, the classic communist Soviet gummy candy.
I do not wish to get into a discussion about the proper use of ampersands, but I would completely understand misusing them if necessary to cut down on word count – as Twitter limits the number of characters in a given tweet.
I would like to point out that if Melania Trump could have used the proper word she was searching for, and, and her tweet would still easily fall within the limit of characters.
So, she’s a fucking dunce. Anyway, the main problem with this tweet is that she refers to the White House – where only one family lives – and to a tennis court, which only the first family will be using for “leisure time” – as a community.
It appears she does not know the definition of community. This project is no different than any citizen installing a tool shed in their back yard, and claiming they did it for starving children.
So, the cap on her legacy is adding property value to a house which she doesn’t own, so that future presidents and their wives can chill inside of a tiny structure and sip and Arnold Palmer after they’ve played tennis.
Donald Trump has created a lasting legacy of fraud, corruption, and abject loserdome. Of the 45 presidents in United States history, only 11 have served only one term (not counting those who were assassinated.)
This represents .240 of all presidents, and a group of canonized losers. For some context, the Detroit Lions – one of the worst teams in the NFL last season – had a winning percentage of .219. They were as good of a football team as Donald Trump is a president.
While Donald Trump was highly active at losing, Melania Trump chose to sit on her ass, buy clothes, and not do shit.
Together, Donald – the highly spastic failure – and Melania – who had no accomplishments nor failures – represent a really shitty couple who are polar opposites, but each shitty, in their own way.
This is why I will briefly laugh when they divorce.