The Case Against Women’s Sports 3

A good friend of mine recently proclaimed Serena Williams ‘One of the greatest Athletes of All Time’, to which I clarified, um, *female athletes. One of the Greatest Female Athletes of All Time. There’s no way Serena Williams could be one of the greatest athletes of all time because there are currently several people who could easily beat her at her own sport.

It’s just that they’re guys.

I then started asking around among people familiar with tennis, meaning people I normally avoid. If Serena Williams played against men, where would she be ranked in the Association of Tennis Professionals Rankings which inexplicably extends to over 1,500 ‘athletes’, some of whom presumably work at car dealerships.

I got varying answers. Everything from the ridiculous top 5 to the slightly cynical claim that she would be unranked.

There’s really no way of knowing. Circumstantially, I would venture the assumption that if Serena Williams could beat some of the best tennis players in the world, she would have played against them instead of beating up on Russian chicks.

Biologically, there are some differences between the sexes. Men are larger than women. Men have a narrower pelvis, which places much less stress on the knees, meaning they tear their tendons much less easily and can run faster. Men have greater bone density than women. Comprehensive studies have shown that men are about 40-50 percent stronger than women in the upper body and about 30-40 percent in the lower body. Men also have 56 percent greater lung capacity than women and a 10 percent higher red blood cell count. Men have a measurably faster reaction time than women.

This means they’re better at sports.

That’s also why they make more money, at sports.

Because they’re better at them.

If you don’t like it, try and beat them.

Serena Williams is known for her serve. I looked up Fastest Serves on Wikipedia. The fastest recorded serve in the history of tennis is 163.7 mph. The fastest recorded serve by a woman is 131 mph. Serena Williams has the third fastest serve ever for a woman at 128.6 mph. Wikipedia listed 106 men with faster serves than that and then stopped counting. Once they stopped, that guy’s serve was still 11.4 mph faster than that of Serena Williams. That 11.4 mph, for some perspective, separates the 54th fastest serve from the 10th fastest serve of all time. If you get into quartiles, Williams’ serve seems even slower.

Even though the list is clearly much, much longer, let’s just say Serena Williams has the 107th fastest serve of all time. That would very generously place her around the 107th best tennis player of all time. Not to say the best player has the fastest serve, but if someone has a faster serve than you and can move much faster by virtue of biology, they’re obviously better than you.

107. Not bad.

Although there are a few things we must factor in. Perhaps, since women have a slower reaction time than men, Williams was at a distinct advantage in competing against other women because much of her dominance stemmed from the speed of her serve. Perhaps men would not have had as much trouble with it. Seems only logical. That would bump her down a few points. Let’s just say 108.

Then you have to figure, she grew up competing against other women. In sports, better competition leads to improvement. There appears no plausible scenario that Williams was competing against anyone other than the 109th best player in the world, meaning she never reached her full potential as a player and that would bump her down even lower.

Let’s say 110 just to be exceptionally nice. For some perspective, I’d rank Popeye Jones as the 110th best basketball player of all time.

The point of this is not to beat up on Serena Williams. The point is, our current cultural zeitgeist calls for equality between men and women, yet I haven’t heard one feminist mention how condescending the notion of women’s sports is.

Why should we demand equal pay for women yet offer them a protected class when it comes to sports? The feminist agenda mandates society function as a meritocracy and I agree. You should not be turned down for a job because you are a woman. And sports are the ultimate meritocracy. That’s why people like them. The fastest person wins. Not the fastest man. Or woman. The fastest person.

So, why do you deserve a gold medal because you beat other women yet would not be able to qualify when racing against men? We make no other differentiations.

The answer, obviously, is that today’s feminists are mostly entitled hypocrites who want to have it both ways. They don’t want equality. The want equality when it benefits them and special privilege when it doesn’t. I’m a strong independent woman, give me some alimony. That type of thing.

Let’s call women’s sports what it is: A delusional handicap, a gold medal for the participation ribbon generation.

This inherent condescension does not extend simply to sports. Realize there is currently a Women’s Chess Champion. It’s beyond me how that would not imply that women are not as smart as men are.

A true feminist like myself would argue for the abolition of gender separation when it comes to sports in much the same way we got rid of those pesky Colored bathrooms.

That will happen around the same time Serena Williams squares off against Andy Roddick.


Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

3 thoughts on “The Case Against Women’s Sports

  1. Reply Trey Dec 25,2016 11:02 pm

    My cousin used to play pro tennis and once said there isn’t a woman in the world that could beat him. He was ranked around 1000 in the world at the time. It was before Serena’s time though, but I think he would have said it about her too. That being said, if you abolish gender separation in sports, that could make Jessie Graf even more special, since she may be one of the few women in the world that is in the top 20 of all humans in her sport. (She’s also in the top 20 best looking humans in the world, which all happen to be women.)

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