Hillary Clinton And Donald Trump Must Get Married

There has never been a stronger political divide in the history of America. You’re either firmly on the left or firmly on the right. There is no room for thought or reason anymore. Whatever you believe will be confirmed by FOX or MSNBC or Facebook or Twitter.

Donald Trump is obviously corrupt. It appears his campaign was influenced and probably bankrolled by Vladimir Putin, most likely because of some debt in relation to failed business dealings in Russia.

Nixon wiretapped his political opponents and was forced to resign because of the marked dishonesty.

That would be considered cute in 2017. 

A bigger scandal happens nearly every day now.

Congress would never act to impeach anyone anymore, because they know their constituents have no room for thought or reason anymore and watch FOX and MSNBC and get their news from Twitter and Facebook.

It recently came out that the Democratic Party succeeded in fixing the primaries in favor of Hillary Clinton, which everyone already knew anyway, whether they just intrinsically knew this or happened to look at documented facts.

Astoundingly, Hillary Clinton, a seasoned politician, lost the presidential election to a reality show guy who is incredibly hatable based on sight alone.

I found it really hard to wrap my head around, but something occurred to me:

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are the same person.

They’re both wealthy rotund people who are corrupt to varying degrees and dye their hair blonde.

Think of politics as a circle.

The further you go to the right or left, the closer you are from where you are to one pole.

Hard right or hard left.

No room for thought or reason anymore. 

So we got a choice between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

Supporters of Hillary usually can’t express in a concrete sentence why they like her, or name anything she has actually done for women or minorities or the United States or whatever, or name anything she actually stands for.

Supporters of Donald Trump are poverty stricken racists.

But both groups are fairly hatable.

When you do a fantasy football draft you don’t pick the person who sucks less than Ben Roethlisberger, you pick the best player available.

For some reason it works differently in politics.

For all of their differences, Hillary and Trump have a lot in common.

She attended his wedding. Enough said.

There’s only one way to heal this divide:

“Hillary Clinton needs to be the bigger person and get married to Donald Trump.”

That way all the dumb fucks on the left and all the dumb fucks on the right can realize how similar their mascots are and we can finally move forward.

If Hillary were to do this she would go down as the country’s most heroic patriot along with a bunch of dudes who owned slaves and Tom Hanks.

It would be a concrete thing that her supporters could point to as to why they like her, having had zero previous examples.

Please Hillary, for once in your life, take a risk.

You can singlehandedly end FOX and MSNBC in one svelte swoop.

Hillary is smarter than Trump and probably has slightly more integrity or less pride, however you want to phrase it, that’s why she has to take the initiative.

Obviously neither of them have sex with their spouses anyway, this would be purely symbolic, so exactly like their current marriages.

This is your chance to finally do something Hillary.

America needs you.

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