Calum McSwiggan’s Friends Wanted In 3

It’s becoming apparent that Calum McSwiggans’ friends Melanie Murphy, Riyad Khalaf, and Doug Armstrong collaborated with him to perpetrate his fake hate crime in order to get material for their stupid ass Youtube channels.

A quick refresher: Calum McSwiggan got drunk at a West Hollywood bar and said he was attacked by three men and then posted a bunch schmaltzy bullshit about hatred towards the LGBT community. It turns out he was lying and was then arrested for vandalizing a car. While in his holding cell he smashed himself in the head with a payphone receiver like a boss and later claimed his self inflicted wounds were caused by the non-existent gay bashers. He was charged with filing a false police report yet is still sticking to his story instead of acknowledging that he’s a douchebag who will hopefully not be able to get a job bagging groceries in the future.

It’s actually quite enjoyable to watch him bumble through defending himself. For example, he told the gay publication The Advocate that the beating was so bad he could only lift his arm as high as is shown in the picture. It should be noted that if you point your thumb towards the ground, that’s the highest anyone can lift their arm. What a gloriously sad buffoon.


We all know McSwiggan is lying. He’s a former gay porn star. You can’t trust porn people and they don’t have real feelings. But there’s something in the way his friends are defending him and constructing their responses that has me convinced they were a part of it too.

Another quick refresher: Calum McSwiggan, Melanie Murphy, Riyad Khalaf, and Doug Armstrong are all Youtube personalities who produce extremely frivolous schlock regarding gay culture. They were in LA for VidCon, which is an online video convention. They are friends and came to West Hollywood together to celebrate being done with the convention and stayed in the same hotel.

“He said something about my friend Melanie and then punched me in the mouth. I blacked out quickly after this but remember being kicked in the body multiple times, I believe by all three men. – Calum McSwiggan.”

Why would these assailants mention a girl who you were with that night and who wasn’t anywhere near you at the time? It didn’t happen, but it also wouldn’t make sense. It sounds like McSwiggan is promoting Melanie Murphy. You would think he would have run that by her.

Murphy’s account is likewise riddled with self promotion. I believe where there’s a vested interest, there’s a person willing to lie cheat and steal. That would be Murphy. Here’s a few snippets of her entire explanation of the events which can be read here:

“I stayed in a room with Calum and another friend of ours during VidCon in LA, during which we had an amazing time…lots of fun, and security was super tight (after the recent shooting of a fellow YouTuber and the Orlando shooting).We felt very safe and secure during our entire stay in LA.”

Glad you were able to brave the rough streets of West Hollywood without anyone violating your Safe Space. Moron. What does the Orlando shooting have to do with this? Nothing. It’s a rhetorical tactic to gain sympathy. Murphy is basically a professional victim.

“Still on a high after VidCon myself, Calum and our YouTube/LGBT friends Riyadh K and Doug Armstrong wanted to celebrate the end to a successful crazy week by going out together so we booked into a hotel and got ready to go out to The Abbey gay bar in West Hollywood. I snapchatted as usual throughout this entire process.”

So, while you’re there, you’re documenting what is happening. So, you have a vested interest in something happening, and when it does, you’ll be ready for it. Got it.

“We had a super fun night. I had two drinks, and snapchatted this while outside waiting on the boys to leave and go home. The boys had a few drinks each. Then suddenly, Riyadh, our friend, ran up to me as I was about to snapchat again from the pavement outside the club, stating that Calum called him crying uncontrollably saying he’d just been attacked. There is record of this phone call. Cal had been absolutely fine about 20-30 minutes before. So we weren’t there during the attack, but it happened in a very public car park, so we’re certain there’ll be CCTV footage, and we believe him.”

So, you were in the exact right place at the right time to record all of this on your phone. Interesting. Also, nobody’s doubting he called the police, idiot. He’s being charged with filing a false police report. The issue is that what he said to the police was a lie. That proves nothing.

“He now has bruising on his body (there’s pictures with his tattoos visible), he aches all over and two days later he couldn’t even raise his arm.”

Lol. He also admitted to smashing himself in the head with a phone. So, yeah, he’ll probably have some minor injuries.

“Calum remembers the attacker saying my name a couple of times, which worries us because it means the guy knew of us somehow and that the attack may have been pre-meditated, though we don’t know at all why he knew my name so we can’t make assumptions.”

Ugh, you silly delusional narcissist. Nobody knows who you are, and nobody cares. You make Youtube videos about putting on makeup. There are actual celebrities who hang out at The Abbey. You’re in LA. Get a fucking grip.

Apparently the hospital staff told Cal’s parents on the phone that it was the best thing he could have done as he would have been kept in the cell for days and we’re only here on holiday.”

This is in reference to McSwiggan bashing himself in the head with a payphone handle. So, the hospital staff openly advocates for people in a holding cell to bludgeon themselves? Are you fucking retarded or are you lying? Pick one.

“Meanwhile, Doug, Riyadh and I were still in the parking lot taking pictures of the car and in shock when, after about two minutes of the police leaving, three men approached the vehicle. They were acting very erratic and already knew the car had been damaged before looking at it, and had been watching us speaking to the police. We took turns pretending to be on our phones to record these men and we have dated phone footage of the car and the three men by the car/things they were saying.”

Your friend vandalized their car after harassing them all night. Don’t you think you’d be kind of pissed too or no? Trick question you obviously don’t own a car.

“We got their names from one of the three men, but because there is no absolute proof that these are the guys (even though Cal saw the footage and said he was 99% sure it was the main guy) Cal isn’t pressing charges out of fear – the cops stated that even if they could find who did it that they’d likely only get a couple of weeks in jail, and they said stuff likes this happens every night of the week.”

Here Murphy is doing a little amateur detective work for her dumb ass snapchat channel and claiming the Sheriffs were openly speculating to randoms about the length of sentence someone might get for a crime. This is something they obviously would never do. So, she is lying.

“All of this was sent in an e-mail to a lawyer the morning after the attack, before any police statements had been made or any news articles had been posted – that e-mail is dated with the time as proof that none of this story was fabricated.”

Apparently Murphy is one of those dumb people who thinks she’s super smart. How would sending an email full of dubious information to a lawyer prove anything?

She also dropped the following comment onto her own post:

“We’re all staying together in an Airbnb and haven’t been able to sleep or eat because we’re getting thousands of messages (all of us as we were all out together) accusing Cal of “faking a hate crime” which is so, so disgusting and distressing.”

Not as disgusting as you are. It must be super tough to find time to order a Dominos while spending a bunch of time on Facebook. Keep playing the victim though, perhaps you could up the drama?

While on this comment thread I noticed something interesting. Some guy had the following exchange with Murphy:

“Ben: Melanie, I assume that since you have all of this video etc that you’ve turned it over to Sheriff station detectives, right?

Melanie: All footage we have of the aftermath has been provided to Cal’s attorney.

Ben: Why hasn’t it been turned over to detectives? If he was beaten as he claims, surely your evidence will help catch the alleged criminals…”

Hard to argue with that logic. Of course even the most maniacal fucktards sometimes know to shut up when they’re wrong.

This entire thing is a false flag event. Murphy is an accomplice. She and the others should be tried as well for her role in this. Failing that, let’s acknowledge what happened. She’s absolutely putrefying. These people are fucking garbage.


Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

3 thoughts on “Calum McSwiggan’s Friends Wanted In

  1. Reply joanna Jul 4,2016 12:34 am

    See the thing is I’ve been to the Abbey. Its a very popular and happening place every freaking day of the week. There are people out and about the area outside. If there was a guy being attacked and it was a hate crime, there would have been a lot of people that would have come to his aid. Its freaking WeHo!!!!!

    Also if it had been a Hate Crime…the Abbey has reached a point of popularity where they would released a statement.

    The fact that his only witnesses are youtubers speaks volumes.

    He needs to stop being so damn selfish and tell the truth. His lie will only discredit future attacks and possibly even kill people.

    And those youtubers supporting his claims should be ashamed of themselves. They should be charged too.
    History is not going to look kindly upon the youtube star thing but that’s another story altogether

    • Reply Matt Ralston Jul 4,2016 3:36 pm

      Completely agree. I go to The Abbey from time to time and it’s a quality establishment. We all know he is lying. But his friends should also have their careers ruined. They most certainly talked about this.

  2. Reply Markajv Jul 5,2016 2:09 pm

    The first video he ever did was this – – First off the title and then what he says about it.I believe it’s #3 THEN almost a year and a half later we find out he LIED in his first video so he puts out this MARTYR video, because NOW he has subscribers and he doesn’t want them to hate him. (I could care less if you do porn, big deal…but HE thought it was..because of his ego) So here’s the Infamous video – ON THE SAME CHANNEL. – He lies RIGHT away in the beginning – – He got exactly what he wanted. He got everyone to feel sorry for him. You can hear it in the way he words it. It’s complete bullshit. He did a cam porn and made money. Take responsibility for your actions. Once you cry wolf….

    #2 His friend Melanie’s account of the night, which WAS written in book form on her FB page is so full of holes, especially when you read her answering questions from commenters. WHen you lie, you forget the lie and it just all falls to shit from there.

    #3 – He know he’s being treated like a second class citizen and his rights are violated BUT has no idea what bail is or how it works? NO police station calls someones Father and say’s “Send us $20,000 or he will have to stay in jail until the trial” Pfft! You pay 10% – Calum has $2000.

    #4 He said he does not want to press charges because he is afraid. – What is he afraid of. Retaliation? You would have been on a plane back to your home across the pond where you can make you stereotype gay lifestyle videos (Along with that MASSIVE douche Davey Wavey) and nothing would be different in your life. NOW you HAVE to stay in the states until, at least , your trial.

    Red Flags. He is definitely dealing with some mental health issues and he needs help, not hate. I agree. BUT his actions and his video’s over the years has turned him into an egomaniac. Don’t bother googling the porn It’s everywhere and it is REALLY bad. Plus it’s UNSAFE sex. so that’s always a good thing. He was trying to save face (The mug shot one not the self beating one)

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