The Terms Liberal And Conservative Mean Nothing 2

The guys who run Westinghouse and Fox literally sit around and laugh at people who identify as Democrats or Republicans. While they smoke cigars and the caterers clean up. It’s always been the objective. With some notable exceptions, people with money appoint politicians. When that’s not the case, that person is referred to as an “Independent.” That’s telling, right?

It’s easy to forget, there were white slaves too. They more than likely talked shit about the black slaves. That’s human nature. One time someone told me there’s no such thing as race while saying something racist about black people. That was actually a significant feat if you overthink it.

An overwhelming number of NFL fans are racist. Black people are racist too. But they don’t watch NASCAR. You always hear about liberal guilt. Never conservative guilt. Does that mean you’re just acknowledging it?

Hillary Clinton is a war pig. That’s a fact. So is Barack Obama. They’re just war pigs that liberals could picture having over for dinner and not offend their gay friend outright. They have both overseen the murder of people for profit. That’s a fact. Granted, they didn’t start the conflicts, and that counts for something.

But, when you think about it, what type of person would take that type of job anyway? The answer is, the same type of people who take jobs with corporations which start wars. If you offered me a dope writing gig but I was informed it would entail the continued murdering of civilians, I would actually turn it down.

Granted, it would be weird if Two and a Half Men stipulated not killing people in the desert was a deal breaker in their contract. They’ve done enough evil with that shitty show, but explain how working for Westinghouse or Raytheon or Apple or the Army is any different.

Why the fuck, again, do they play the motherfucking National Anthem before a basketball game? Did George motherfucking Washington even know what basketball was, and, if he did, would he have not had the best team in the country on his plantation?

I think the animal rights movement is a coping mechanism. Humans have acknowledged they are somewhat carnal, so they idolize dogs now. The rationale, if you really prod some idiotic chick with a tiny dog, is that dogs are pure and show unequivocal love without thinking about it. I would point out, Dick Cheney’s dog loves the shit out of him.

Also, dogs will eat their babies if they’re hungry. Picture the cute puppy blood all over his face. If dogs were smart enough they’d figure out how to walk you. You’re basically picking on something to cool your caveman blood.

In the Developed World the birth rates are way down. They actually aren’t sustainable and humanity will eventually fizzle out if the same trend continues.

The difference between the Developed World and the Third World is that the Developed World was colonized by cultures which had the capacity to think of such retarded terms as “Third World” and Democrat and Republican.

It doesn’t put me in the mood either.

There is no Second World. These motherfuckers have the nerve to tell you that designated lines on the same planet, hence the same world, are different worlds, and the relatives of those fuckers are posing as hippies at Coachella and paying for bottled water with their Mercedes inheritance.

Didn’t that company build war planes with the specific intent of killing Jews? Maybe that’s why your granddaughter is killing her mind and fucking the dude from Kings of Leon in the trailer.

I wouldn’t want to think about it either.

I’m writing this on a laptop I would have no idea how to invent. If you think about it, it probably involved some slaves.

America’s liberals condone war programs and censorship. America’s conservatives are huge proponents of federal outreach and the suppression of civil liberties. If you think about it, those beliefs contradict the very definition of the words those people identify themselves as.

That’s fucking ironic.

The Democrats were the party of segregation not long ago. The Republicans, abolition. Those roles switched pretty seamlessly.

It’s almost like they didn’t mean anything.






Matt Ralston is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewRalston

2 thoughts on “The Terms Liberal And Conservative Mean Nothing

  1. Reply bjr Apr 29,2016 9:50 pm

    Matt I read some of your earlier (as in years ago) stuff and always thought you were a bleeding heart liberal. Either you’ve changed a lot or I seriously misread the things that you said.

    Anyways, I agree with your article. Both conservatives and liberals are fucking idiots, and are more similar than they are different.

    Neither of the two major U.S. parties represent liberty or freedom, and they would like nothing better than to control every aspect of our lives. Fuck them.

    Keep posting your thoughts about stuff. Interesting reads.

    • Reply Matt Ralston Apr 29,2016 9:56 pm

      I consider myself pretty liberal and I despise the Republican party, but I have no respect for Democrats at this point. I agree, thanks for reading.

Leave a Reply