Sports Archives - Page 2 of 5 - Matt Ralston's Blog

I Just Broke Professional Darts

Jan

2

2017

The above video demonstrates a technique of dart throwing which I have pioneered, called Dart Dunking. Dart Dunking – A method of dart “throwing” in which the participant jumps from behind the dart throwing line and places or slams the dart onto the board before his or her feet hit the ground. Much like in basketball, in ...

LeBron James Is The Problem

Dec

22

2016

LeBron James posed for a Sports Illustrated cover after winning their gender neutral Sportsperson of the Year award, and if you look closely at his lapel you’ll see a big safety pin that his assistant ordered on Amazon. Most likely he ordered many different types so LeBron could choose which one would look the best ...

Drunk Razor Ramon Jumped The Shark

Nov

22

2016

We’ve had reality TV since the 1950’s, but the mid-nineties saw a shift towards celebrating the people you’d move away from at a party. The cast of MTV’s Real World got progressively less sober, sluttier, and more self-involved. People had always admired the status of people on television, but now they were jealous of people who ...

Magic Johnson is a Real Piece of Shit

Sep

17

2016

Magic Johnson always has a smile on his face. So do many sociopaths. It’s disarming yet extremely effective. It looks like a house routine. He belongs on a bottle of syrup. Magic Johnson is an activist. Because he got HIV. It doesn’t seem like he had much of a choice in the matter. I never ...

Derrick Gordon Is Great At Entitlement

Aug

21

2016

According to Derrick Gordon, he didn’t get a fair chance at trying out for the NBA because he’s gay. He forgot the part where he’s not good enough. If Ben Simmons had released a sex tape of himself getting barebacked by Charlie Sheen the week before the draft he’d have still been selected in the top ...

The Teams God Actually Roots For

May

12

2016

God doesn’t favor one team over the other as athletes often proclaim. He doesn’t care whether or not you caught the ball, he has wars to justify. Unless of course, he did care… Here are the teams God actually roots for! It seems tempting to think God would prefer underdogs but that’s not the case. The poorest people ...

Curt Schilling’s Meme Holds Troubling Weight

Apr

22

2016

Curt Schilling was just fired for posting a meme. Ironically its general theme centered on the nastiness of the left and their tendency to demonize those who don’t immediately agree with them, which of course, isn’t a liberal mindset. The firing appeared to jibe with the right’s general sense of persecution by way of political correctness. ...

Kobe’s Last Game Got Meta

Apr

14

2016

Somehow Kobe Bryan’t final game was more interesting than the simultaneous broadcast of the Warriors breaking the all time regular season win mark. In the trainwreck sense. Charlie Sheen’s online meltdown puts any of his acting work to shame in terms of watchability. I actually felt bad for Kobe, and that’s saying a lot since ...

Peyton Manning Gets Away With Murder

Feb

10

2016

“I’m gonna drank a lotta Budweiser tonight Tracy, I promise ‘ya that.” Imagine if Cam Newton had won the Super Bowl and one of his first sentences was “I’m bout to pound a lotta Hennessy tonight.” I’d predict an impending firestorm of hate, although to be fair Cam Newton doesn’t own any liquor distributorships, as Manning does. Manning ...

Kobe Bryant’s Charade Proves He’s Overrated

Feb

1

2016

The Kobe Bryant retirement spectacle says a lot about him as a player. He’s on one of the worst teams in the league, his contract has crippled the team, and he’s totally cool with going out and shooting an abysmal percentage while taking bad shots, even though he’s now a below average player. It’s basically what ...