Real Men Don’t Buy Ashton Kutcher. 3

I almost threw up in my mouth today as I was browsing the internet and noticed Ashton Kutcher’s “Real Men Don’t Buy Girls” campaign.

What is this idiot talking about, I asked myself.

Apparently Kutcher and his wife Demi Moore have started a foundation to address the issue of child sex slavery.

The name of this foundation is The Demi and Ashton Foundation, or DNA.

If you’re following along, the DNA acronym makes no sense.

After checking the website, I found that the foundation works with various experts to stop child pornography from being spread online.

This seems like a good idea, and I am not criticizing their work, their intentions, or their mission, and it seems like they are taking a proactive and innovative approach to this issue and have probably done a lot of good. I would seriously look into donating to this charity.

But… why is this foundation called The Demi and Ashton Foundation when the only issue the foundation works on behalf of is child sex slavery? What does this have to do with Demi Moore or Ashton Kutcher exactly? Is Ashton Kutcher a former or current sex slave? It seems like a weird thing for two lame actors to attach their names to. Is there not someone who embodies this issue more directly, someone whose name would conjure up an image of something more triumphant than Striptease?

I used Google and found one, Khurshida Begum, who doesn’t wear a stupid hat, but is a survivor of sex trafficking who now lobbies for increasing resources for former victims.

Is it not the definition of narcissism to brand your (stupid) name onto an issue that you’ve never had any experience with because you happened to catch it on Dateline?

Also, I happen to know for a fact that participating in the sex trafficking industry is wrong, but I really don’t need Ashton Kutcher to tell me what Real Men Do.

I don’t think he’s an authority on the subject, and consequently I’m not sure that he knows what Real Men Do, because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve wearing ridiculous hats and talking maniacally into a walkie-talkie while doing some schizophrenic form of comedy which is just a put-on anyway to cover up your non-existent personality before spraying someone with a fire hose on MTV.

I also don’t think Demi Moore is much of an authority on the sex trafficking issue, because she is a former call girl, which is something I don’t personally believe Real Women Voluntarily Do.

And then there’s this:

Not sure what this has to do with sex trafficking, but I would reply a) fuck you, and b) Real Women Offer To Pay For Their Own Dinner.

They say that no publicity is bad publicity, and so if you can take an issue like child sex trafficking and somehow attach your name to it while promoting the cause with irrelevant shittily made self-indulgent Youtube vidoes, I guess you may as well do it, but I don’t think it’s something Real Men Do.