What Sky Mall says About America 3

Just a few years back, airlines had a variety of reading materials on board for your perusal. The fact that they now see the need to enact a policy of throwing into the garbage whatever Time or Sports Illustrated was left behind by the previous traveler – leaving only for your enjoyment their own attempt at a magazine, the articles in which are filler for self-promotion, and Sky Mall, a catalog filled with useless garbage of which they take a commission, speaks volumes.

But who is buying things from Sky Mall? Who are these people who can’t go more than a few hours without consuming something?

After taking a look at the T-Shirt section of the magazine, I may have come to a conclusion: Terrible People.

Before elaborating, I’d like to state that I don’t believe these T-Shirts are meant to be ironically funny. I think the people who buy them are doing so in an earnest attempt at self-expression, and if you are the exception, please disregard my judgement. If you are confused, please see Ralston’s Axiom, which is this:

If Nickelback thinks they are a good band, they suck. If they know that they suck, they are good.

So here are some shirts I’ve selected to show you:

This shirt is made for geniuses who quite often find themselves explaining string theory to the idiotic masses. I actually saw an obese woman wearing one while in line at Einstein Bagels with her seven children and was going to ask her why Republicans vote against their economic self-interest, but I wasn’t certain whether or not she could explain it in layman’s terms. THANK GOD SHE WAS WEARING THIS.

This shirt is made for someone who’s greatest accomplishment in life is that they stopped working. They also feel the need to childishly taunt you while bragging. I know that I am personally filled with jealous rage when I see old people at Denny’s sitting across from each other and not speaking, and this shirt has only compounded my envy as I’ve realized they literally have all day to expound their vaguely racist political ideas and tell knock-knock jokes to people who don’t want to talk to them.

This shirt is tailored for people without empathy. Possibly the most troubling shirt in the catalog – these people want you to know that before you bring up ANY EVENT IN THE WORLD, they aren’t going to care. It actually works well as a disclaimer for homeless ENRON investors who know not to talk about losing their house without being spat upon.

Fuck you.

I know a ton of awesome people who have this shirt.

After attaining his position as editor of the Harvard Law Review, Barack Obama was given one of these.

What does this say about our society? Not sure. I guess that aside from being a boisterous, delusional, ill-informed, selfish, entitled blowhard, the most important thing is that you prove it with your credit card.

I fear what is happening.