Florida is the Southernmost state in the Union.
This would make Florida the Deep Deep South.
Even the term Deep South is very frightening and is a just a veiled metaphor for an increased threat of open intolerance, or at the very least cold stares.
The South has long distanced itself from the rest of the Union by being more into racism, extremist Christianity, homophobia, and an emphasis on anti-intellectualism, hair dye, and flour.
Often times, toothless quasi Hells Angels types will speak about how they’re proud of being from the South, which I believe is a soft way of stating that they really don’t condone racism, yet kind of do, yet they have a few black friends who they smoke meth with.
The South has always been economically disadvantaged, and beholden to a certain extent to the North.
In fact, the poorest states are all Southern, and receive a disproportionate amount of federal tax aid, which is basically just subsidizing much of their grossness.
As I said, Florida is the Southernmost state.
And as a rule, the further South you go, the grosser things get.
Many Floridians would go even further South if they could, and get dumber and sweatier, but they can’t.
They’ve reached the highest pinnacle of human ignorance.
Anyway, here are the Top Ten Grossest Fact about Florida:
1) Interracial marriage was illegal in Florida until 1964, when the United States had to intervene in McLaughlin v. Florida to make it legal for a straight black person and a straight white person to sleep in the same house.
2) The band Creed is from Florida. Creed singlehandedly ruined the 90’s, and Scott Stapp, whose name sounds like jock strap, staph and strep sings an embarrassingly terrible tribute to his Florida Marlins which was CONDONED FOR A LONG TIME BY THAT ORGANIZATION, AND ITS’ FANS.
Fuck Florida.
3) Because the most dangerous political dynasty in the history of the country had one of its’ stupid cracker family members installed as the Governor of Florida several years earlier, and due to some serious abuse of State Supreme Court privilege mixed with some SERIOUS special interest groups involved in the military-industrial complex intervening, Florida, in a glowing coup, was able to allow George W. Bush to become 43rd President of the United States, even though he wasn’t close to being democratically elected, and if you think that he was, you’re dumb enough to be from Florida.
4) Florida has a law which allows you to start a fight with someone and then shoot them.
5) Florida has no state income tax, meaning that a ton of really poor people live there, and a ton of rich tax-evaders such as Chris Bosh and Jeb Bush live there.
Consequently they have a Medicare fraud industry that exists to extort money from the U.S. government, and which although it exists in plain sight, can’t seem to be dealt with because Florida has no public resources, because people in Florida don’t pay taxes on the money that they don’t make.
Fuck. Florida.